ADHD and Limerence: Hyperfixation, Love Bombing and Falling in Love

Two distinct yet overlapping constructs; ADHD Limerence. Together, they are not a recognized mental health condition. However, when combined, they do result in many experiences and symptoms that you may recognize.

ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) is one of the most commonly diagnosed neurodevelopmental conditions in childhood – affecting approximately 11% of children and 5% of adults. The primary problems for people with ADHD relate to their attention, impulsivity, and organization. Yet, although the symptoms of ADHD are mostly behavioral, it’s important to recognize that ADHD is neither a mental illness or a behavioral disorder. It is a neurodevelopmental impairment that affects how we manage our emotions, thoughts, and actions.

Neither ADHD nor limerence are specific to any particular population, socio-economic class, or place – they can affect anyone, anywhere. People also report comorbidity between both of these conditions quite often. Having said that, not everyone who has ADHD is limerent and not everyone with limerence experiences ADHD.

So, it appears there is a relationship between ADHD and limerence. We’ll explore this relationship and how each condition may impact the other in this article.

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What Is Limerence and How Does It Relate to ADHD?

Limerence is an involuntary cognitive and emotional state that involves an extreme romantic desire for someone. Limerence may feel like being “in love,” but is considerably more intense, and often not reciprocated, which can result in negative impact on the quality of life of the limerent person.

“Limerence is, above all else, mental activity.”
Dorothy Tennov

According to Dorothy Tennov, the psychologist who coined the term “limerence” in the 1970s, “Limerence is, above all else, mental activity.” What Tennov means here is that limerent individuals tend to hyperfixate on people whom they have a crush on – to the extent that they experience intrusive thoughts which consume much of their lives.

ADHD is commonly associated with difficulties concentrating, but it’s also associated with hyperfocus (the tendency to spend long times focusing on activities or tasks for hours on end). Limerence can become this hyperfixation for someone with ADHD; the individual loses themselves in idealizing a person and the fantasy of a relationship with them.

Therefore, it’s not unreasonable to see how limerence may occur more often in people with ADHD than in people without. But why would this be the case?

The ADHD brain tends to have difficulties regulating the neurotransmitters dopamine and norepinephrine, which are associated with the ability to motivate, focus, and focus on achieving a goal. So when someone with ADHD hyperfocuses, they experience surges of these neurotransmitters, which can feel like a mild sense of euphoria.

In limerence, the fixation on a person (also known as “limerent object”), also sparks these neurotransmitters, creating that same sense of euphoria. In time, the surges of dopamine and norepinephrine return to normal, so to return to the same level of euphoria, the individual may up the ante of limerent behaviors. In many ways, limerence can feel like an addiction for someone with ADHD.

Why Do People With ADHD Fall In Love Quickly?

Due to the dopamine dysregulation people with ADHD tend to experience, they may be more prone to limerence and falling in love quickly.

Let’s be clear though, limerence may feel like “falling in love,” but they are not the same thing. Yes, both love and limerence can be overwhelming and unexpected, but love is an enduring state of commitment, respect, and fulfillment. In contrast, limerence occurs in cycles, caters only to the limerent individual’s needs, and is debilitating. It may happen that this feeling of romantic longing and rejection sensitive dysphoria combine with the dopamine dysregulation to create a state of limerence.

Let’s consider how someone with ADHD Limerence may experience falling in love. Someone with ADHD Limerence may desire a relationship with their limerent object, the limerence will ultimately impact the chance the relationship turns into a committed, healthy connection. This is because of the cycle we just mentioned;once a relationship is established, the neurotransmitter levels balance out and are replaced with bonding hormones. Though the bonding hormones may be legitimate and also pleasant, the limerence pushes the individual to seek a new way to restore their previous sense of elation – sometimes by hyperfocusing on another crush.

ADHD, Obsessive Love, and Love Bombing

Love bombing is a form of manipulation in which someone showers another person with excessive attention, praise, and affection in order to exploit or control them. Love bombing can be emotionally taxing, overwhelming, and even traumatizing for the person on the receiving end. It can make them feel dependent on their love bomber, which can create an unhealthy and unbalanced relationship dynamic.

Love bombing includes behaviors such as constant communication, showering someone with gifts and praise, jealousy and possessiveness, guilt-tripping, and isolation.

As someone with ADHD and limerence tends to hyperfocus on idealizing a crush and achieving their affections, could they be more prone to love-bombing?

Due to the intense obsessive love someone with ADHD may experience because of their dopamine dysregulation, there is a chance that someone with ADHD may display love bombing behaviors. This pattern isn’t unique to ADHD: limerence and OCD also share common traits, including intrusive thoughts, emotional instability, and compulsive behaviors.

However, it’s important to note that limerence is motivated by genuine feelings for another person (even though these feelings may not be authentic love). In contrast, love bombing is fuelled by a need to manipulate another person. Therefore, someone with ADHD and limerence may hyperfocus on a crush and how to get them to return their affections, but this does not mean they are intentionally love bombing them.

Final Words on ADHD and Limerence

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder often characterized by impulsivity, hyperfocus, and dopamine dysregulation, amongst other traits. It’s, therefore, possible that people with ADHD may be prone to limerence; an obsessive and intense longing for reciprocation of affection from another person.

Unfortunately, limerence often has many negative effects on an individual’s quality of life, including their ability to lead healthy, mutually fulfilling relationships. Further, limerence may reinforce the impulsive behaviors and hyperfocus associated with ADHD as it helps to temporarily regulate dopamine dysregulation.

If you’re concerned that you have ADHD and limerence, it’s important to discuss your ADHD symptoms with your healthcare provider. Additionally, understanding the reasons behind limerence and implementing intervention strategies in your life may help you regain control over your symptoms.

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