As small children, we learned to deal with our environment in the best ways we knew how. While for some, their parents matched their emotional and physical needs (almost) perfectly, for others, this was not always the case. For those who did not always feel like their emotional needs were met, they did their best to adapt.
Depending on whether/how a parent meets their child’s core emotional needs, such as to feel cared for and protected, this can lead to Early Maladaptive Schemas (EMS). EMS are beliefs about ourselves such as, “Others will never truly care for me,” or, “People who care for me will inevitably leave me,” or even, “I am unlovable.”
As children, these beliefs about ourselves came about from a particular context or situation that led us to react in a certain way so we could handle our intense emotions. For example, a child whose parents get angry when they cry will likely repress their emotions to keep their parents from expressing their anger on them.
As we grew, these beliefs became maladaptive – they ceased to fulfill their primary function, which was to soothe us. In fact, these limiting beliefs became pervasive dysfunctional patterns that ultimately affect our relationships and our well-being.
When as a child repressing our intense emotions kept our parents calm, as adults, this can make relationships quite difficult as it hinders clear and open communication of our needs.
Knowing our EMS can help us understand where certain maladaptive patterns come from. It is also a valuable resource in therapy, so feel free to bring this up to a licensed therapist so you can better discuss what to do from here.
To learn more about this topic, check out our articles on Schema Therapy and Maladaptive Schemas before starting our free quiz.d
Disconnection & Rejection
1. Abandonment
2. Mistrust / Abuse
3. Emotional Deprivation
4. Defectiveness / Shame
5. Social Isolation
Impaired Autonomy & Performance
6. Dependence / Incompetence
7. Vulnerability to Harm / Illness
8. Enmeshment / Undeveloped
Self
9. Failure
Impaired Limits
10. Entitlement / Grandiosity
11. Insufficient Self-
Control / Self-Discipline
Other- Directedness
12. Subjugation
13. Self-Sacrifice
14. Approval /
Recognition Seeking
Over-Vigilance & Inhibition
15. Negativity / Pessimism
16. Emotional Inhibition
17. Unrelenting Standards /
Hypercriticalness
18. Punitiveness
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