Does Our Attachment Style Affect Our Sexual Orientation?
Does Our Attachment Style Affect Our Sexual Orientation?
Sexual orientation is a big part of our identity: Our sexual interests are deeply personal to each and everyone one of us, and deserve to be loved and appreciated.
Research into the relationship between our early attachment experiences and how we think and behave in adult relationships has been vast. But less attachment research has focused on the influence of our relationships with our caregivers on elements of our identity, such as sexual orientation.
So, to answer all of your questions on the topic of attachment styles and sexual orientation, this article will cover:
- A brief overview of how attachment influences romantic relationships.
- An exploration into the relationship between attachment and homosexuality.
- A deep-dive on the research about attachment and gender roles.
- The patterns between attachment, asexuality, and cupio romanticism.
But first, a quick disclaimer as to what this article is NOT.
DISCLAIMER
Before we begin, it’s important to state that attachment styles are, by no means, solely responsible for our sexual orientation.
The majority of medical experts from the American Psychological Association (APA) and American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) believe that our unique sexual orientations manifest from a complex mix of our biology, psychological makeup, and environmental influences. Furthermore, many scientists believe that our hormones and genes also impact our sexual identity.
So, while evidence suggests our attachment may be an influential factor in the complex jigsaw of our sexual orientations, there is no evidence that one causes the other, or that this is the only factor involved.
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How Attachment Influences Romantic Relationships
It’s well-known that our early attachment experiences influence our later romantic relationships. For starters, how we were treated by our caregivers can shape our expectations within relationships.
Those with a secure attachment may expect positive experiences from relationships. They may also be trusting of their partner and comfortable with intimacy. In contrast, people with an insecure attachment style typically struggle with aspects of closeness in relationships, and are generally untrusting of others.
Our attachment styles can also influence how much satisfaction we get out of relationships and how stable romantic bonds feel for us. Secure attachers tend to experience high levels of relationship satisfaction due to their positive expectations in relationships, whereas anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachers may feel like romantic relationships are more a minefield of stress and insecurity than a stable, satisfying experience.
But what about our sexual orientation? Yes, attachment influences our experience of romantic relationships, but does it affect who we’re attracted to, and our sense of sexual identity? Let’s find out!
Does Our Attachment Impact Our Sexual Orientation?
In short, it’s complicated. There has been no direct link found between attachment styles and sexual orientation. However, there has been some interesting research on the relationships between early attachment and:
- Homosexuality
- Gender roles
- Asexuality and aromanticism
First, let’s look at the research into attachment and homosexuality.
Attachment and Homosexuality
One study from the late 1990s suggests that some gay men and lesbian women experience difficulties in their early relationships–but usually as a result of reactions to their sexual orientation. For example, this evidence found that some gay men struggle with relationship intimacy due to negative reactions from their friends or parents when they “came out.” The negative reactions these individuals faced typically led to two distinct behavior patterns:
- Anxious attachment: offering high levels of affection but believing deep-down that they are unworthy of love or are likely to be rejected by romantic partners.
- Avoidant attachment: feeling uncomfortable giving affection, typically avoiding deep intimacy.
However, overall, the study found no significant causal relationship between insecure attachment and homosexuality. Therefore, this research shows that attachment insecurity may relate to how comfortable we feel with intimacy in our romantic relationships in adulthood, rather than homosexuality as a whole.
This pattern appears to crop up repeatedly within the research – evidence suggests that experiencing rejection from caregivers and peers as a gay man or lesbian woman is more indicative of insecure attachment than homosexuality. Furthermore, one study looking into sexual compulsivity, attachment, and sexual orientation found no significant relationship between homosexuality and anxious or avoidant attachment.
Find out more about how attachment influences intimacy in our article, Your Attachment Style Influences Your Sex Life [and even Casual Sex].
Attachment and Gender Roles
You’re probably wondering what we mean by “gender roles.” Broadly, gender roles are the stereotypes we face in society–they involve how other people believe we should act, dress, and speak, based on the gender we were assigned at birth. Gender roles are thought to be one of the central facets of sexual identity, alongside sexual orientation, biological sex, and gender identity.
A study focusing on the potential relationship between gender roles and attachment styles found that stereotypical “masculinity” was found to be more common in people who viewed relationships as being of secondary importance in life, with other areas like work, hobbies, and personal goals being prioritized over this. This quality relates most closely to the avoidant attachment style. Therefore, according to this study, stereotypical “masculinity” is significantly associated with avoidant attachment.
The study also found that stereotypical “femininity” was most closely associated with people who required the need for approval from others. This is believed to be a fundamental quality of the anxious attachment style. So, in this study, those with an anxious attachment style tended to be more stereotypically “feminine.”
However, it’s important to say that beliefs about gender roles differ vastly between cultures. Therefore, while this Italian study found this result within an Italian sample of university students, this same relationship may not be present in every population.
Furthermore, evidence suggests that men are typically more predisposed to an avoidant attachment style and women an anxious attachment style due to the current societal expectations and roles of each gender. Therefore, the association between insecure attachment and gender roles may manifest from our society as a whole, not our relationships with our caregivers.
Attachment, Asexuality, and Cupio Romanticism
Asexuality and cupio romanticism are newer terms in history than homosexuality and bisexuality. Asexuality is the quality of experiencing no sexual attraction or feelings towards anyone, regardless of their gender. Yet these individuals may still want a romantic relationship and be physically intimate.
In contrast, cupioromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction. They may be sexually attracted to certain people but not want a relationship with them. Cupio romanticism is believed to sit within the spectrum of aromanticism, which is a broader term for people who don’t typically experience romantic attraction.
But how does this relate to attachment? Well, evidence suggests that aromantic (including cupioromantic) and asexual people may be more likely to have an avoidant attachment style than their heterosexual counterparts. This suggestion may sit in line with an asexual or cupio romantic person’s difficulties around intimacy.
However, this research is still very much in its infancy. Much more research is needed to fully unpick the relationship between sexual orientations such as asexuality and cupio romanticism and attachment.
Final Word on Attachment Styles and Sexual Orientation
When it comes to attachment and sexual orientation, there are no clear answers. Attachment doesn’t appear to be related to homosexuality in and of itself, but our attachment styles may be influenced by our caregivers’ and peers’ reactions to us “coming out.”
However, attachment may relate to other sexual orientations, such as asexuality and cupio romanticism. Our early attachment experiences may also affect our gender roles in relationships, but more research is needed on this.
If you’re questioning your sexual orientation or are wondering whether your childhood experiences have influenced your sexual orientation, know that nothing is clear-cut right now, and that attachment may only be a tiny piece in the puzzle.
Understanding and appreciating your individual identity is the most important piece of this complex jigsaw.
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