Alexithymia and Attachment Styles
Alexithymia and Attachment Styles
Have you ever wondered why you don’t seem to feel emotions like others do? Perhaps you struggle to pinpoint emotions in others, too. If this sounds like you, you may be experiencing alexithymia.
Alexithymia is a personality trait that involves difficulties feeling, identifying, and communicating emotions. Around 10% of us experience alexithymia, but this can differ depending on our genetic makeup, underlying health conditions, and various environmental factors. One such environmental factor is our early attachment experiences—as these appear to have a prominent impact on our chances of having alexithymia. So, if this is the case, what is the relationship between alexithymia and attachment?
To answer this question (and any others you have on alexithymia and attachment), this article will cover:
- What alexithymia is
- The causes of alexithymia
- The relationship between alexithymia and attachment
- Strategies to manage alexithymia
- How to help someone with alexithymia
- Frequently asked questions about alexithymia and attachment
Have you ever wondered why you don’t seem to feel emotions like others do? Perhaps you struggle to pinpoint emotions in others, too. If this sounds like you, you may be experiencing alexithymia.
Alexithymia is a personality trait that involves difficulties feeling, identifying, and communicating emotions. Around 10% of us experience alexithymia, but this can differ depending on our genetic makeup, underlying health conditions, and various environmental factors. One such environmental factor is our early attachment experiences—as these appear to have a prominent impact on our chances of having alexithymia. So, if this is the case, what is the relationship between alexithymia and attachment?
To answer this question (and any others you have on alexithymia and attachment), this article will cover:
- What alexithymia is
- The causes of alexithymia
- The relationship between alexithymia and attachment
- Strategies to manage alexithymia
- How to help someone with alexithymia
- Frequently asked questions about alexithymia and attachment
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What Is Alexithymia?
Alexithymia is the name for cases where people struggle to feel, identify, and vocalize their emotions. There is no clinical diagnosis for alexithymia, as it’s not considered to be a mental health condition. Instead, experts suggest that alexithymia is a personality trait.
The difficulties people with alexithymia face extend beyond understanding their own emotions; they may also struggle to recognize the bodily sensations that relate to their emotions, such as feeling butterflies in their stomachs when they’re excited or a tightness in their chest when angry.
Furthermore, some people with alexithymia report that they find it difficult to recognize, sense, or infer other people’s emotions. This can make relationships difficult, as attuning to other people’s emotions and responding accordingly is a powerful tool many of us use to show empathy.
Research suggests that those with alexithymia may even struggle to daydream and fantasize, which can cause them to use more factual, concrete words, and fewer descriptive or imaginative terms and phrases.
Causes of Alexithymia
When it comes to the causes of alexithymia, the truthful answer is that experts are still trying to figure it out. The term “alexithymia” was coined in 1973 by psychotherapists Peter Sifneos and John Case Nemiah, so less than a century ago, which indicates that the interest in the topic is still in its juvenile years. What’s more, the first research into alexithymia and emotions was only in 1996. So, the scientific interest in alexithymia is very new. However, the research that exists indicates that alexithymia may be influenced by various factors, such as:
Genetics
Research looking into alexithymia in twins found that there is a big genetic contribution to the development of alexithymia–approximately 30 – 33%.
Developmental factors
Studies show that developmental and environmental factors such as early life experiences (including early attachment), adverse childhood experiences, and emotional regulation can affect the likelihood of developing alexithymia.
Neurobiology
Alexithymia has been linked to cognitive and affective brain differences, particularly in areas of the brain relating to emotional processing like the prefrontal cortex, insula, and anterior cingulate cortex.
Interestingly, alexithymia is also more common in certain populations of people. For example, alexithymia appears to be most prevalent among:
Males
Up to 17% of males experience alexithymia as opposed to up to 10% of females.
Prisoners
Research suggests that over 30% of prisoners may experience alexithymia.
Teens and elderly people
Studies have shown that between 7% and 30% of teens can experience alexithymia and over 30% of elderly people. These percentages are higher than the typical rates of alexithymia in adults, which currently stands at over 20%.
People with mental health conditions
such as depression, anxiety, and personality disorders are more prone to experiencing alexithymia. Of these, alexithymia is associated most closely with depression, with around 27% of adults with depression also experiencing alexithymia.
People with medical conditions
such as chronic pain, fibromyalgia, and irritable bowel syndrome.
Autistic individuals
Approximately 50% of people with ASD have alexithymia.
However, it’s important to note that experts suggest that alexithymia may put us at greater risk of developing health conditions, not the other way around. But what about attachment? Are alexithymia and insecure attachment related? And if so, does alexithymia cause insecure attachment or is it the other way around?
Alexithymia and Attachment
Attachment refers to the inner motivation we all have from birth to seek and maintain proximity with others. When we’re infants, we try to be close to our primary caregivers out of necessity—as well as for comfort—as this helps to keep us alive. Then, when we’re adults, we seek proximity to friends and romantic partners, not for survival reasons but to enrich our lives emotionally.
Recognizing and sharing our emotions with loved ones—and receiving their emotions back—are fundamental elements of a healthy attachment relationship. However, we may struggle to feel, recognize, and share our emotions with others if we didn’t have a secure, healthy relationship with our caregivers as children. Why is this?
Well, people who have a secure attachment bond with their primary caregivers tend to discuss emotions with them from an early age. As their caregivers are sensitive and responsive to their childrens’ needs, these children learn to recognize these needs in themself, and this gives rise to the development of both emotional awareness and emotion regulation skills.
In contrast, when someone’s early attachment relationships are insecure, their caregiver may not respond to their emotional outbursts consistently. In some cases, the child may be shamed, ridiculed, or abused for their needs. If a caregiver is unable to recognize and distinguish between their child’s emotions, this can impact the child’s ability to understand their own emotional expressions. Then, as these children’s emotional needs aren’t responded to or met, over time they may learn to suppress them, which can lead to lower emotional awareness and, in some instances, alexithymia.
Which Attachment Styles Relate to Alexithymia?
While the research on alexithymia and attachment repeatedly shows a strong association between the two, the findings are conflicting when we break this relationship down into the different insecure attachment styles. For example, research indicates that alexithymia is associated with the following characteristics:
- A discomfort with closeness
- The perspective that relationships are of secondary importance
- A need for approval
A discomfort with closeness and the perspective that relationships are of secondary importance are typical characteristics of the avoidant attachment style. This association suggests that those with an avoidant attachment style are more likely to experience alexithymia, an idea that is supported by research.
However, the third characteristic—a need for approval—is usually associated with the anxious attachment style. But, despite this, current research suggests that anxiously attached people are less likely to experience alexithymia, not the other way around. This goes directly against research studies looking into the relationship between anxious attachment and emotional awareness, which tend to find a strong association between the two.
Despite the conflictual findings so far, it’s clear that there is a relationship between alexithymia and attachment–but this research needs to continue to evolve. Only then can we fully understand how the two relate. For example, the disorganized attachment style is associated with characteristics of both the avoidant and anxious attachment styles, so perhaps more research on disorganized attachment and alexithymia is needed.
Can Alexithymia Be Cured?
As alexithymia is not a diagnosable condition or mental health difficulty, there are no clinical alexithymia tests or medical cures. However, certain strategies can help someone learn to better recognize their bodily sensations, emotions, and other people’s emotions.
Therapy for Alexithymia
Studies indicate that therapy targeting alexithymia symptoms isn’t beneficial because people with alexithymia may struggle to open up and form a bond with their therapist. However, as alexithymia commonly co-occurs with other mental health conditions, treating these through therapy has been shown to help alleviate alexithymia symptoms. Also, if alexithymia creates problems within a relationship, then perhaps it may be able to increase the bond and breakdown boundaries.
Experts recommend dialectical behavior therapy for those with alexithymia as this approach specifically focuses on building self-awareness and emotional regulation skills.
Journaling for Alexithymia
Journaling is thought of as a highly effective strategy for helping people to build their emotional awareness and improve their ability to detect their emotions. Research shows that writing every day, trying to dig deeper than simply writing about daily events, can help those with alexithymia become more aware of their emotions.
However, some studies suggest otherwise. Sometimes, journaling about something emotive like a stressful life event, can be distressing for people with alexithymia, even when the journaling activity is paired with a relaxation strategy. Therefore, if you choose to use this method, it’s important to take care of yourself and stop if it becomes overly distressing.
Using Creativity to Cope with Alexithymia
Getting creative by taking up hobbies like art, music, dance, acting classes, or reading can help boost our self-awareness skills, which can make us more aware of our bodily sensations and hence our emotions.
How to Help Someone With Alexithymia
People aren’t always aware that they have alexithymia. Sometimes, alexithymia can be outside of someone’s conscious awareness, and only by other people bringing it to their attention can they become aware of it.
So, if you’ve been reading this article thinking, “This is so-and-so to a ‘T’,” know that you’re not alone. And while, in time, you may be able to show the person this article, you may have to lay some foundations first so that it doesn’t put them on the defensive.
Here are some tips on how to help someone with alexithymia:
Communicate your feelings
As someone with alexithymia typically cannot infer or sense other people’s emotions, communicating these can help them to understand and act accordingly.
Label their feelings
As their caregiver may not have helped me to understand and recognize their emotions, you can help someone with alexithymia to develop their emotional awareness by identifying bodily cues of emotions and labeling these for them. For example, “Your eyebrows are furrowed—you look angry.”
Suggest a mental health professional
Encourage them to seek mental health support with a professional who specializes in alexithymia. Through therapy, they may be able to develop their understanding of their emotions in a calm, supportive environment.
FAQs
How do you pronounce alexithymia?
If you’re wondering how to pronounce alexithymia, you pronounce it like this:
AY·LEK·SUH·THAI·MEEUH
Where does the term “alexithymia” come from?
The term “alexithymia” comes from the Greek language—“a” means lack, “lexis” means word, and “thymos” means emotions. These three Greek words come together to form the Greek equivalent of “alexithymia.”
How does a person with alexithymia act?
People with alexithymia may display less empathy and understanding for other people’s emotions, as they are often less aware of the impact of these emotions. In situations where intense feelings are triggered, someone with alexithymia may respond with discomfort, confusion, or numbness.
Can someone with alexithymia feel happy?
In short, yes. People with alexithymia feel all of the normal human emotions in their bodies. While someone with alexithymia may struggle to recognize and express their feelings to others, they still feel them physiologically.
Can someone with alexithymia cry?
Yes, people with alexithymia do cry—their body often responds to emotions in the same way as people without alexithymia, but they may be less aware of this process than others.
However, it may be good to note that people with alexithymia may cry less often. Research suggests that avoidantly attached people tend to control their crying more often than others, which could suggest that this happens for people with alexithymia, too.
Final Word on Alexithymia and Attachment
Alexithymia is a personality trait that affects a large portion of the population. However, it’s more likely to affect some people than others. Those with a health condition, people who are elderly or young in age, or those who have a genetic predisposition are all more likely to experience alexithymia.
If you have an insecure attachment style, you may also be more likely to experience alexithymia, as you might not have been taught how to recognize and manage your emotions as a child.
Fortunately, we can take steps to manage alexithymia symptoms. From getting creative to seeking therapy, we can learn ways to feel, identify, and vocalize our emotions and recognize the emotions of others.
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