Attachment-Based Therapy: Overcoming Childhood Trauma and Improving Relationships

Attachment-based therapy (not to be confused with attachment therapy) is a form of counseling that helps people overcome the adult perceptions and behaviors that result from their childhood experiences. With the help of a licensed attachment-based therapist, it’s possible to learn how to trust others and form healthy, mutually fulfilling relationships as an adult.

If you’re wondering if attachment-based therapy is right for you, this article addresses the following information:

• What attachment-based therapy is
• How attachment-based therapists work to achieve change
• The techniques or steps involved in attachment-based therapy
• The benefits of attachment-based therapy
• What attachment-based family therapy (ABFT) is and who it’s suited for
• How to find an attachment-based therapist

Plus, if you’re wondering if you could benefit from attachment-based therapy because you might have an insecure attachment style, you can take the Attachment Styles Quiz on our website to receive a free report.

What Is Attachment-Based Therapy?

Our early experiences with attachment figures shape the perceptions and actions we develop in adult relationships. If we form an insecure attachment style, we can develop maladaptive ways of viewing the world, others, and ourselves. Attachment-based therapy focuses on the effects of these early relationships on our ability to lead healthy adult relationships, as well as their influence on our motivation and goal orientation.

Attachment-based therapists engender positive change by aiming to foster a secure therapeutic dynamic with clients to promote healthier patterns of communication, emotion regulation, perception, and behaviors.

The origins of attachment-based therapy are rooted in the work of psychoanalyst John Bowlby’s work in the 1960s. Deviating from the traditional psychoanalytic perspective, Bowlby proposed that children need a secure, stable bond with at least one primary caregiver. Children who form such a bond tend to feel confident in exploring their environment, fostering healthy connections with others, learning from new experiences, and becoming goal-oriented.

Based on Bowlby’s original theory, Mary Ainsworth created the individual attachment styles (secure, avoidant, and anxious) based on her observations from The Strange Situation paradigm. Mary Main – Ainsworth’s postgraduate student – noted a specific group of children who didn’t fit into these categories and suggested the disorganized attachment style.

Before we proceed further, it’s important to make the distinction between attachment-based therapy and the “attachment therapies” created in the 1970s. These attachment therapies are not evidence-based and were devised to manage behavioral issues associated with developmental conditions such as ASD. Therefore, attachment therapy is not accepted in mainstream psychological or medical practice as it has been documented as potentially causing both psychological and physical harm.

How do Attachment-Based Therapists Work

Attachment-based therapists are licensed practitioners in the areas of either psychology, social work, psychotherapy, or another form of licensed mental health practice. When choosing an attachment-based therapist it’s important to make sure they are qualified to practice in the area to ensure effective and timely results.

During therapy, your therapist will aim to help you “take back control,” rebuild your trust in others, and regulate your emotions effectively. Healthy regulation of emotions is of particular importance because people who struggle in this area due to childhood difficulties are often prone to repeating patterns of difficult interpersonal relationships. This may be due to a phenomenon called repetition compulsion. This phenomenon was coined by Freud to describe the innate need to recreate the conditions of childhood in the hopes of achieving a different result.

Ultimately, the success of attachment-based therapy comes down to the therapeutic relationship. Once a secure bond is formed between the client and therapist, the therapist can facilitate trust, open the channels of communication, and increase understanding of how current patterns are due to early experiences.

Techniques and Interventions Used in Attachment Therapy

Just as with other forms of psychotherapy, attachment-based therapy tends to take a fluid approach according to the individual’s progress and readiness for change. For this reason, there’s no strict “step-by-step” process. However, typically, attachment-based therapy does go through the following stages when affecting change.

1. Exploration and reflection on childhood experiences

This stage helps to increase understanding of how early experiences continue to manifest in adult perceptions and actions. Plus, engaging in a narrative about childhood trauma in a safe environment can help the individual regain a sense of control and manage mood disorders such as anxiety and depression.

2. Focusing on and “re-parenting” the needs of the inner child

Re-parenting the inner child involves compassionately listening and attending to childhood needs that were left unmet and continue to influence behaviors as an adult. Furthermore, during this process, an attachment-based therapist can highlight strengths and attributes to help you recognize that you don’t need external validation from others.

3. Shifting attention to current interpersonal relationships

Once satisfactory progress has been made with the initial stages of attachment-based therapy, attention can be diverted to adult romantic, familial, friendship, and workplace dynamics. This stage will include strategies that promote understanding of other peoples’ perspectives, your own actions within the dynamic, and how relationships are reciprocal.

4. Extending therapy to others

After a period of one-to-one therapy, your therapist may suggest strengthening your bond with the important people in your life by bringing them into the therapeutic dynamic. This may include romantic partners, family members, or a group of people significant to you.

Strategies that some attachment-based therapists use include the Ideal Parent Figure (IPF) protocol or method and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).

The Ideal Parent Figure (IPF) Method

According to the concept of IPF, there are five key conditions of secure attachment that an attachment therapist should recreate to help their client. These conditions are:

1. Felt safety
2. A sense of being seen and known
3. Felt comfort
4. Sense of being valued
5. Felt support for fostering independence and growth

Based on these conditions, the therapist will work with the client to visualize or imagine having ideal parent figures – even if this is something they did not directly experience. Through such visualizations, the client can learn skills such as self-compassion and self-soothing. Over time, repeated visualizations can forge and strengthen new neural pathways that mimic those of people with continuous secure attachment from childhood.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a form of psychotherapy that can also be used within attachment-based therapy to help clients process past trauma.

EMDR combines talk therapy with side-to-side eye movements in a structured manner to help process the negative imagery, emotions, beliefs, and bodily sensations that result from traumatic experiences. This process is especially helpful for people who tend to feel “stuck” in the negative feelings of their childhood.

Ultimately, the aim of EMDR is to help people see things from a more objective perspective, and thereby relieve the distress associated with negative experiences in childhood.

What are the Benefits of Attachment-Based Therapy?

The benefits of attachment-based therapy include helping people with insecure early attachments learn how to trust others, regulate their emotions effectively, and meet their own emotional needs as adults.

Overall, attachment-based therapy helps the individual foster a sense of security and stability, which, in turn, helps them to regulate their emotions. These skills can then be transferred to other areas, such as socializing and goal orientation, leading to better self-esteem, confidence, and overall quality of life.

However, just like with other forms of therapy, the effectiveness of attachment-based therapy depends on factors such as the therapeutic relationship, and the individual’s readiness for change and willingness to be vulnerable in sessions. Furthermore, depending on the individual’s age, attachment-based family therapy may be more effective.

Attachment-Based Family Therapy

Attachment-based family therapy (ABFT) is designed to capitalize on children’s and adolescents’ innate desires for secure, emotionally connected relationships. ABFT has been shown to be effective in the treatment of adolescent mood disorders, suicidal ideation, and trauma.

Similar to attachment-based therapy, ABFT is rooted in attachment theory and is fluid in its process. However, ABFT includes caregivers or parents in sessions and follows a clear structure to help therapists address attachment ruptures in the caregiver-child dynamic which are causing psychological distress. Once the core of the conflict is understood, the therapist can facilitate change as quickly as possible.

Instead of immediately targeting problem behaviors, ABFT starts by uncovering the reasons why a child or adolescent doesn’t feel secure when turning to their caregivers for emotional support. Uncovering these reasons helps the child develop new cognitive and emotional coping skills and helps caregivers understand how to embody more successful parenting techniques.

How to Find an Attachment Therapist

The first step in finding an attachment therapist is recognizing if it is something you truly need. Attachment theory is somewhat “en vogue” at the moment, but to determine if you have attachment issues it’s good to read about the different attachment styles and how they form. The Attachment Project’s articles on the secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment styles can help.

If you determine that you could benefit from attachment therapy, the next step is to research licensed attachment-based therapy practitioners in your area. A Google search will provide you with the information you need. Once you narrow down your search, you can ask prospective therapists questions along the lines of the following to determine “best fit” for your needs.

Ask a therapist if they can help you:

• Understand the attachment spectrum and where you land on it
• Recognize how your emotions connect with your early experiences
• Link your cognitions (thoughts and beliefs) with your emotions and actions
• See how your attachment beliefs, thoughts, and actions are affecting your adult relationships
• Use all of this information to help you create an action plan for positive change

Perhaps the most important factor in choosing an attachment therapist is being wary of anyone who promises they can “change your attachment style” – especially if they say it can be done in a specific time frame. Ultimately, the goal of therapy should be to help you transition toward a more secure, stable attachment (called “earned” secure attachment) by helping you understand and manage attachment triggers. In time, you can learn how to deactivate childhood emotional connections or schemas (templates) and create new, healthier ones that promote fulfillment in relationships and in general.

Final Thoughts on Attachment-Based Therapy

Attachment therapy can be valuable in helping people with insecure early attachments learn how to trust others, regulate their emotions, and meet their own emotional needs as adults. However, the effectiveness of attachment-based therapy depends on the therapeutic relationship and the individual’s unique needs, ability to be vulnerable, and readiness for change.

If you’re wondering if attachment-based therapy is right for you, learn about the different attachment styles and do your research on licensed attachment-based therapists in your area. Additionally, remember that the goal shouldn’t be to become securely attached in a specific time frame. “Earned” secure attachment involves moving in the direction of healthier thoughts, feelings, and behaviors – not fighting to override your internal working models. With patience, self-compassion, and the right therapeutic strategies, you can transition towards a more secure attachment and increased fulfillment in general.