Eros Love: Romance and Connection

When you’re in love, do you feel intensely passionate, physical, and connected? Do your connections often grow quickly from a sense of intuition, or chemistry, rather than friendships or “slow burns”? If this is you, you probably have the love style Eros.

If Eros love sounds familiar, that’s because it’s where we get the word “erotic” from. This word goes all the way back to Ancient Greek philosophy, where love was understood to present itself and be felt in different forms. The Ancient Greek god Eros was personified as the god of love and desire.

In modern times, we often see Eros love depicted in media as intense, passionate, possibly fated connections. In psychology, Eros describes one of 6 love styles outlined by John Alan Lee and validated by Clyde and Susan Hendrick ^{1, 2}.

In this article, we’ll dive deeper into what it really means to have the Eros love style, what it looks like in relationships, and how it might relate to your attachment style.

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What is Eros Love?

Eros is one of Lee’s 6 love styles that describe the different ways we approach romantic relationships. There are 3 primary styles, of which Eros is one, alongside Storge (platonic love) and Ludus (game-playing love). The combinations of these each give 3 secondary styles: Agape (selfless love), Mania (possessive love), and Pragma (practical love).

Lee theorized that we each have one main love style in our approach to romantic love, and these patterns show up in how we look for, find, and behave with partners.

Eros Love Meaning

Eros love may be defined as a sensual, passionate longing. There’s often an emphasis on physical attraction, and people with the Eros love style tend to have an ideal type in mind and find partners who fulfill it.

Eros Traits

If you have this love style, you might recognize these common characteristics of Eros:

• An ability to instantly recognize someone they’re interested in and how well they fit their ideal type. Lee describes this as “a sudden sensation of recognition and hope”.
• A sense of intuition or chemistry with people they’re interested in.
• A feeling of urgency and desire for rapid relationship development.
• Self-confidence about love – the emotional intensity is more about appreciation than possessiveness.
• Often describes a happy childhood and warm parental relationships.

Challenges of Eros Love

As we’ve discussed, eros love is passionate and strong, but this can also come with some challenges. Their passionate nature can lead to emotional highs and lows. The Eros lover can have high and sometimes unrealistic expectations for their partner, and the intensity and urgency in eros can sometimes lead to people rushing into relationships without fully evaluating whether they are a good match in the long-term.

Examples of Eros in Relationships

Because of its intensity and emotional drive, we can often find Eros love depicted in films and TV. Eros lovers often think of their partners as soulmates and their meeting as fate or an “invisible string”.

In relationships, Eros lovers continue to enjoy a sense of intensity without it developing into anxiety or jealousy. Their relationships can be very physical, and there can be a deep sense of understanding and unity.

Attachment and Eros Love

Attachment theory shows us how our early childhood experiences impact our life and especially our relationships. It refers to the emotional bond we form in early childhood, and depending on that experience we may form an insecure attachment style. Generally speaking, attachment theory has a big impact on our ability to love and also how we love.

Research has shown that eros love is associated with a secure attachment ^{3, 4}. This makes sense, as Eros love encompasses a happy childhood and warm parental relationships, so there may be some overlap between these concepts. Our own Attachment Project statistics found that people scoring highly on Eros were significantly less avoidant in relationships.

When we assess Eros love we do see that intense longing, but we also see the ability to form a secure, healthy bond with a partner. Those with a secure attachment are comfortable with intimacy and do not fear emotional closeness, so may find it easier to navigate any challenges that come with a passionate relationship.

Final Thoughts on Eros Love

Eros love may be quick and intense, but it runs deep. Eros lovers can appreciate and long for the physical aspects of a relationship, but as Eros love grows it also allows for an emotional connection to mature with commitment and focus.

If Eros doesn’t resonate with you, perhaps you have another one of the 6 love styles – check out our other articles on love styles to find out more and take our love styles quiz.

References

1. Lee JA. A typology of styles of loving. Personality and social psychology bulletin. 1977 Jan;3(2):173-82.
2. Hendrick C, Hendrick S. A theory and method of love. Journal of personality and social psychology. 1986 Feb;50(2):392.
3. Fricker J, Moore S. Relationship satisfaction: The role of love styles and attachment styles.
4. Levy MB, Davis KE. Lovestyles and attachment styles compared: Their relations to each other and to various relationship characteristics. Journal of social and Personal Relationships. 1988 Nov;5(4):439-71.