Mania Love: Possessive and Obsessive

Does love feel like a constant whirlwind of passion and anxiety? Are you conflicted between intense desire for your partner and wanting to play games within the relationship? If this sounds familiar, then you might have the love style “Mania”.

Not to be confused with “mania” in the mental health sphere, which describes a mental state where energy is high and thought patterns can be erratic, Manic love is one of Lee’s 6 love styles ¹.

In this article, we’ll explain more about what the Mania love style is, how it shows up in relationships, and how the Mania love attitude might relate to your attachment style.

What is Mania Love?

Mania is one of Canadian psychologist John Alan Lee’s 6 love styles that describe the different ways we approach romantic relationships ¹. These 6 love attitudes were further developed by Clyde and Susan Hendrick ².

There are 3 primary styles: Eros (passionate love), Storge (platonic love), and Ludus (game-playing love). The combinations of these each give 3 secondary styles: Agape (selfless love), Mania (possessive love), and Pragma (practical love). Mania is the combination of Eros and Ludus.

Mania Love Meaning

As a combination of passionate and game-playing love, Mania can be intense and sometimes chaotic. Lee writes:

“The typical manic lover shows the same intensity and preoccupation as the erotic lover, yet the same desire to hold back feelings and manipulate the relationship, as the ludic lover.” ¹

These conflicting desires can lead to obsessive tendencies, as the Manic lover can feel confused and frustrated by their feelings.

Mania Traits

If you’re a Manic lover, you might recognize these common traits of the Mania love style:

• The need for reassurance and validation from your partner. Manic love can look like a constant need for reassurance, stemming from intense emotions and worries about other people.
• Turbulent relationships. Because of the Manic lover’s conflicting needs, their relationships can have intense ups and downs.
• Feelings of jealousy and possessiveness. Sometimes the feelings a Manic lover has for their partner can be so intense that Mania love results in obsessive behavior, like monitoring the partner’s phone.
• No specific type. Manic lovers tend to value falling in love by chance, and, according to Lee, they may even choose partners they initially dislike.
• Ignoring red flags. Manic lovers may ignore the warning signs that their relationship has difficulties.

Examples of Mania in Relationships

Mania love is often characterized by extreme highs and lows, like a rollercoaster dynamic. In relationships, this can include irrational feelings of jealousy, possessiveness and dependence.

While people with the Manic love style can hold their partners in very high esteem, putting them on a pedestal can sometimes result in discontent on both sides. If the Manic lover’s partner doesn’t return the same intense affection, the Manic lover may become anxious or frustrated about the relationship.

Challenges of Mania Love

Mania is passionate and intense, but sometimes its overwhelming nature can lead to difficulties, like emotional instability. Those who experience the Manic love style may endure the extreme highs and lows that are associated, resulting in jealousy, possessiveness, and potentially even obsession.

The relationship anxiety and resulting need for reassurance associated with Mania may put pressure on the partner, leading to them feeling uncomfortable and the dynamic to become tense.

Attachment and Mania Love

How we grow up has a direct impact on how we experience relationships in adult life. Our attachment style, the emotional bond we form with our caregivers and depending on that experience and connection, influences if we are more of an anxious partner, or if we avoid emotional connection. Generally speaking, attachment theory has a big impact on our ability to love and also how we love.

Research shows that Mania love is most closely related to an anxious attachment style ^{3, 4}. Since both share a high level of relationship anxiety and a tendency toward rollercoaster relationships, this may not be surprising. Lee also proposed that people with the Mania love attitude tend to report less happy childhoods and loneliness, which may also align with attachment anxiety.

Our own research here at The Attachment Project found a strong correlation between the Mania love style and attachment anxiety, suggesting that the higher the Mania score, the higher the attachment anxiety score. Interestingly, we also found a weak correlation between Mania and avoidance – perhaps linking to Lee’s idea that people with the Mania love style sometimes choose partners they initially dislike.

Final Thoughts on Mania Love

Combining passionate and game-playing love, the Mania love style can come with lots of intense highs and lows and is often associated with attachment anxiety. Manic lovers feel a deep connection to their partners, but might also push them away – sometimes intentionally, sometimes not.

If you resonate with the Mania love style and want to learn more about your attachment style and moving toward attachment security, start by taking our free Attachment Quiz.

To find out more about the 6 love styles, take a look at our other articles and take our love styles quiz.

References

1. Lee JA. A typology of styles of loving. Personality and social psychology bulletin. 1977 Jan;3(2):173-82.
2. Hendrick C, Hendrick S. A theory and method of love. Journal of personality and social psychology. 1986 Feb;50(2):392.
3. Fricker J, Moore S. Relationship satisfaction: The role of love styles and attachment styles.
4. Levy MB, Davis KE. Lovestyles and attachment styles compared: Their relations to each other and to various relationship characteristics. Journal of social and Personal Relationships. 1988 Nov;5(4):439-71.

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