Regression in Psychology: Why Adults Revert to Childlike Behaviors Under Stress

Have you ever acted in ways you wouldn’t normally while in distress – maybe you verbally or physically lashed out, screamed, or acted in other ways you might associate with childlike reactions? This might have been a form of regression.

Regression describes what happens when we handle stress the way we did when we were younger, sometimes even as far back as infancy. Modern life is full of stressors that can trigger regression, including our relationships. But, regression in relationships can be very destructive – if you find that you regress when dealing with stress, it’s important to learn how to stay grounded and manage stress more effectively.

In this article, we’ll talk more about psychological regression in adults, including the meaning of regression in psychology, clear examples of adult regression, and how to stop regressing in response to stress.

What Is Regression in Psychology?

The psychological meaning of regression was popularized by Sigmund Freud, based on evolutionary ideas by philosopher Herbert Spender and neurologist John Hughlings Jackson¹. Modern psychological research has built upon Freud’s ideas, and our current understanding is a little different than Freud’s, but understanding Freud’s concept of regression helps us to understand where our current knowledge came from.

Freud believed that we have several categorized stages of sexual development, and that we regress to earlier stages when under stress. Regression was therefore an unconscious defence mechanism that signalled disrupted development.

Nowadays, regression is still thought of as an unconscious process, but it’s more often considered part of a normal trajectory of development rather than a sign of developmental disruption¹. Fear, anger, and insecurity have all been suggested to lead to regression, in which adults go back to a point of development where they felt safer and protected by their caregiver².

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What’s Actually Happening in Your Brain During Regression?

Stress is an evolutionary response designed to respond to threats and keep us safe. Usually, the part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex helps us to weigh up pros and cons and make balanced decisions. However, when under threat, we don’t have time to make thoughtful choices – in the time it takes us to decide whether to run or try to fight a predator, for example, we might have already been eaten!

So, the brain evolved to switch off the prefrontal cortex when facing a threat, instead relying on more basic structures like the amygdala. The amygdala signals to the hypothalamus and brainstem that we need to respond to a threat, leading to the release of norepinephrine and dopamine, which effectively turn off the prefrontal cortex³. The problem is, even though the stressors we face in this day and age are typically not actual threats to our safety, our brains are still programmed the same way.

There’s a common myth that the prefrontal cortex finishes developing when we’re 25 years old; while it does develop rapidly throughout adolescence and young adulthood, and is associated with maturity, the brain develops and changes throughout our lifetimes. This means that when your prefrontal cortex is “switched off”, you might cognitively regress to any age where it was less developed.

Voluntary vs. Involuntary Regression in Adults

Not all forms of regression are unconscious. Some people engage in “voluntary regression”, in which they purposefully engage in childlike activities to manage stress. The idea of voluntary regression is not a widely recognized psychological term and is rarely reported on in scientific literature, so our understanding of it is quite broad and sometimes vague.

Some people say that voluntary regression could involve coloring, playing with kids’ toys, and baby-talk. However, these behaviors don’t have to be related to regression – you might find coloring relaxing without associating it with childlike behavior, or naturally use baby-talk with animals and young children.

One case study of voluntary regression described a 12 year old girl with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) reverting to age 6 because she felt it helped her to cope with her experiences⁴. However, the psychiatrists treating her felt that this practice was inhibiting her treatment and recovery from PTSD, and noted that it put her at greater risk from other people in her life.

Signs of Involuntary Regression

Regression can take many forms, from baby-talk, rocking, and needing a comfort object like a stuffed animal, to crying, physical aggression, and verbal abuse². Another common example of regression that can be experienced during extreme stress is bed-wetting.

These regressive behaviors can lead to feelings of shame, which only heightens current stress levels and may cause regression to intensify. If you recognize these signs of involuntary regression, remember that these unconscious processes are your brain doing its best to keep you safe and try to practice self-compassion.

Why Adults Regress: The Modern Triggers That Send Us Backward

In theory, anything that’s stressful can trigger regression. Psychological trauma is particularly linked with regression, because it often causes stress that exceeds our capacity to cope.

Modern life is filled with stressful experiences, even if they aren’t all traumatic; balancing demands at work and at home, feeling constantly bombarded by bad news from around the world, and managing finances in a “cost of living crisis” are all stressful experiences that many of us can relate to.

If you’ve had highly stressful or traumatic experiences in the past, you might find it more difficult to cope in the present. This can be understood through the window of tolerance.

Stress and Overwhelm: When Adult Coping Skills Fail

Your window of tolerance describes the capacity you have to cope with stress. When stress levels fall inside your window of tolerance, you have the tools and resources to manage them. When stress levels exceed your window of tolerance, you become dysregulated and start to rely on automatic responses like regression.

Your window of tolerance can become smaller after extreme or prolonged stress. In the brain, persistent stress causes constant underactivation of the prefrontal cortex, which can actually lead to structural changes which weaken the prefrontal cortex and strengthen the amygdala³.

The good news is that this pattern also works in reverse – when we learn and practice more healthy coping skills, we expand our window of tolerance. More on healthy coping skills coming up.

The Attachment Connection: How Early Relationships Shape Adult Regression

Our experiences as infants and children have a strong influence on the development of our attachment styles. The way our caregivers responded to us at this age formed the templates for how we deal with stress – if we weren’t reliably responded to, we likely formed anxious or avoidant ways of coping.

Further, stressful experiences or a lack of support in childhood can lead you to develop a smaller window of tolerance, making it more difficult to cope with stressors.

Anxious Attachment and Regression in Romantic Relationships

When we have attachment anxiety, we experience hyperactivation of the attachment system during times of conflict or stress – especially in the context of relationships. This can often manifest as regressive behavior, such as clinging, acting helplessly, and baby-talking.

This can be a form of comfort seeking, but, if it works, any relief is only temporary. Constant reassurance seeking can push partners away in the long term, even if they have a secure attachment style – leading to a negative spiral in which the anxious partner needs more reassurance than their partner is able to give, their attachment system becomes more hyperactivated, their partner pulls further away, and the cycle continues.

Avoidant Attachment: Hidden Regression Patterns

Regressive behavior can be less obvious in attachment avoidance, which drives us to seek comfort in isolation rather than clinging to a partner. Anyone has the potential to regress to childlike behavior when stressed, including when stressed by relationship conflict, but people with high attachment avoidance might be more likely to self-soothe than seek reassurance.

When Regression Becomes a Relationship Strategy

One theory about regression is that it’s used as an unconscious way to gain attention and care². When we engage in childlike behaviors, we can cause people around us to inadvertently meet our needs – whether that’s through their attention when we scream, or their care when we act like we need them to do things for us.

However, the success of this method of gaining attention reinforces it as a valid coping tool. This leads us to rely on it more and more until it eclipses healthy coping skills. Not only can this damage your relationships, but it can also make your window of tolerance even smaller.

If you feel like you might be doing this, try to have self-compassion; unconscious processes do not make you manipulative, but you do have a responsibility to try to solve the problem once you have become aware of it.

When Regression Becomes Problematic: Recognizing Unhealthy Patterns

Temporary regression isn’t always unhealthy, and some psychologists have a positive view on childlike behavior as a way to soothe the inner child and connect with a sense of security². We certainly shouldn’t label every activity associated with childhood as unhealthy regression.

However, if involuntary regression is harming others, damaging your relationships, or impeding your ability to use healthy coping skills when stressed, then it is likely something that needs to be addressed. If you find that you can’t control your temper or act in ways that cause you to feel badly about yourself, practicing healthier ways to cope with stress can help you to stop involuntarily regressing.

Case Study

This case study is a fictional example based on an aggregate of practitioner’s experience.

Lucy is 25 years old, female, and studying full-time in college. She has recently been struggling with traumatic childhood memories resurfacing, and has been diagnosed with PTSD. Her partner has been trying to help, so they have been staying over on weekends but need to go home to work during the week.

Since she started to struggle with these memories, Lucy has engaged in self-soothing by sucking her thumb, she cries when her partner tries to go home, and she occasionally experiences bed-wetting.

Lucy’s partner has been finding it difficult to manage her emotional reaction to their leaving, and this has put a strain on their relationship. Further, Lucy feels embarrassed and frustrated by her bed-wetting. Neither Lucy nor her partner feel that her sucking her thumb is a problem, except when she does it in class, because she feels embarrassed by how her classmates might perceive it.

Lucy has looked online and believes she might be experiencing regression as a response to stress. She isn’t ready to address her traumatic memories yet, but she would like to learn healthy coping skills and stop regressing.

She finds a therapist who offers trauma stabilization and begins weekly group sessions. In her sessions, she learns more about why she feels and acts the way that she does and practices alternative ways of dealing with stress.

After her sessions end, Lucy has a broader toolkit for managing stress. She still experiences some signs of regression, but it is happening less often. She has shared her new skills with her partner and they are now more able to help her find the right tools to feel calm, and their relationship has improved as a result.

BUILD HEALTHIER COPING SKILLS

How to Stop Regression: Building Adult Resilience and Emotional Maturity

Widening your window of tolerance to be able to better cope with stress takes time and patience, but is achievable. Grounding skills are a good place to start – these can help you to stay in the present when stress becomes overwhelming, helping you to learn how to manage stress and reinforcing that you are capable.

You can find lots of grounding techniques online, but it’s important to remember to practice them when you already feel okay. This might seem pointless, but it’s building your brain’s ability to practice the skill when you actually need it. Remember, when we’re stressed we lose access to our prefrontal cortex, so embedding these skills until they become automatic makes it much easier to use them when they’re needed.

Other healthy coping skills like mindfulness, relaxation, movement (such as light or moderate exercise), and social support can also help us to build resilience. As we widen our window of tolerance, we build new neural pathways that help us to manage stress in the longer term.

If you find it difficult to understand or regulate your emotions and emotional reactions, our emotional & self growth course offers 6 hours of audio and more than 230 pages of science-based information and actionable tips to help you to understand yourself better.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal for adults to regress when stressed?

It’s normal for adults to regress when under high stress, but it does signal that the stress you’re experiencing may exceed your capacity to cope.

How can I tell if my regression is healthy or problematic?

Self-soothing regression that only happens from time to time, such as rocking, carrying a stuffed animal, or baby-talk might not be something you need to solve. However, if your regression is causing harm to others or problems in your home, social, or work life, it is important to find healthier coping tools.

Why do I only regress around certain people or in specific situations?

We might regress more in highly stressful situations, because our brains are using regression to cope with stress. Some people report almost the opposite – regressing more around people they trust because they feel safe to do so.

Why does my partner’s stress make me want to act like a child?

Your partner’s stress can make you feel stressed too. If this exceeds your capacity to cope, you might revert to unhelpful coping methods, such as using regression to achieve care and attention (these are normal things to want, but direct communication is a better way of getting them).

Can therapy help with chronic regression patterns?

If you’re looking for better ways to cope with stress, therapy can help. Some kind of therapy dig deep into the root of the problem, while others focus on the here-and-now and teach psychological theory and coping skills. It’s worth taking time to explore the right kind of therapy for you, and you may be able to discuss this in introductory or consultation sessions.

What’s the difference between regression and just having emotional reactions?

Regression can look like an intense emotional reaction, but it doesn’t always involve crying, yelling, or lashing out. Furthermore, intense emotional reactions aren’t always expressed in these ways – it’s when our emotional reactions cause us to behave as though we are younger that we might be showing signs of regression.

Is regression related to trauma or PTSD?

Because regression happens when we’re very stressed, it’s often related to trauma or PTSD, which can both cause extreme stress in the short-term and lower our capacity to deal with stress in the long-term.

References

1. Mercer J. The concept of psychological regression: Metaphors, mapping, Queen Square, and Tavistock Square. History of psychology. 2011 May;14(2):174.
2. Lokko HN, Stern TA. Regression: Diagnosis, evaluation, and management. The primary care companion for CNS disorders. 2015 May 14;17(3):10-4088.
3. Arnsten AF. Stress signalling pathways that impair prefrontal cortex structure and function. Nature reviews neuroscience. 2009 Jun;10(6):410-22.
4. O’Donovan AJ, Sam HC, Lagman JG. Voluntary Age Regression Entering “Headspace” in a Child With Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. Cureus. 2022 Feb 11;14(2).