Storge Love: The Essence of Familial Bonds

Romantic, passionate love is often what people search for, when they think of a deep and meaningful emotional connection. The Ancient Greeks knew this form of love as eros, but they actually had several words for different forms of love; seven, in fact. And while we might be most familiar with eros – aka romantic love – storge love may arguably be the one that sets the foundations for all others.

This article covers:

• What storge love is.
• The characteristics of storge love.
• Examples of storge love and familial love.
• The psychology of storge love.
• The importance of familial bonds.

What Is Storge Love?

Storge love (pronounced store-jay) is the love family members have for one another. In other words, it’s “familial love”.

It may be showcased through an example. Consider the love a caregiver has for their child (and vice versa), this connection develops from dependence, familiarity, and inequality. A child is dependent on their caregiver for survival; their caregiver is attuned to their needs and meets them sensitively, facilitating the development of a strong, loving bond.

Storge love also extends to the concepts of commitment and compassion, and when taken with this meaning, it can also extend to close friends and even pets.

This latter definition of storge love fits with how the author C.S. Lewis described it in his book, The four loves (1960). Lewis classified storge love as a dependency-based love that involves empathy, familiarity, and affection, and is given irrespective of the individual’s worthiness of receiving that love.

However, Lewis also proposed that expecting affection irrespective of moral behavior could lead to further negative behaviors, such as envy, ambivalence, and smothering love. This highlights the complexity of storge love – meaning that, although familial love bestows many emotional benefits, it may also have downsides.

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Characteristics of Storge Love

The characteristics of storge love are many, but the main components include:

Familiarity: Spending time together and building a shared bank of memories leads to familiarity and strengthens storge love.

Appreciation: Fondness and displays of affection, including hugging, touching, kissing, and words of affirmation. The intention is to make the individual feel treasured and appreciated.

Loyalty: The feeling that a loved one can be depended upon for unconditional support over the course of our lives, even in difficult times. It also includes that they will want the best for us, even if what we want is not what they would like for themselves.

Acceptance: Compassion and true acceptance of another. This acceptance means that the relationship is a safe place to express oneself authentically and without fear of judgment. Within this type of relationship, trust is given freely and the individual feels like they belong.

Examples of Storge Love and Familial Love

Often found in the simple moments, examples are commonly when a loved one demonstrates acts of care without expectation or demands. As storge love is usually associated with the bond between a caregiver and child, some examples include:

• Family eating together and talking about their day.
• Family traditions, like family movie nights.
• A caregiver leaving an uplifting note in their child’s lunchbox.
• A child drawing a picture for their caregiver.

However, as storge love can also develop outside of the caregiver-child dynamic, other examples include:

• An older sibling standing up for their younger one.
• Helping grandparents with technological problems.
• Teaching a younger cousin a skill, such as how to fly a kite.
• Reminiscing with old friends.
• Walking a dog daily and giving them love and affection through play.

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The Psychology of Storge Love

Storge love is not a term often used within psychological research. Nevertheless, many psychological theories involve very similar concepts to storge love. These include:

Attachment Theory and Storge Love

There are four types of attachment within attachment theory: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. While the three insecure attachment styles (anxious, avoidant, and disorganized) develop due to unmet needs in childhood, secure attachment develops within supportive and caring relationships. This means that storge love may be a precursor to – or necessary factor of
– secure attachment.

Family Systems Theory and Storge Love

Family Systems Theory revolves around the concept that how a family interacts with one another affects both behavior and development. Storge love allows for a harmonious family atmosphere, producing more beneficial behaviors, outlooks, and outcomes.

Social Learning Theory and Storge Love

Social Learning Theory proposes that how we behave socially is affected by our environment. Families demonstrating storge love provide a favorable environment and relational model for children to develop healthy, non-familial relationships later in life.

Social Bonding and Storge Love

When individuals have a social bond, they have shared experiences and spend quality time together. During these moments of quality time, the neurotransmitter, oxytocin, is released in response to physical touch and positive social interactions. These elements overlap with the key component of appreciation in storge love, as appreciation reinforces this form of love.

Triangular Theory of Love and and Storge

This theory proposes that there are three main elements to love: intimacy/affection, passion, and commitment. Combinations of these factors lead to different types of love. Companionate love is described as being high on both intimacy/affection and commitment, which is similar to the definition of storge love.

The Importance of the Familial Bond

The familial bond that develops due to storge love is extremely important to our health and wellbeing. From an evolutionary standpoint, having a close familial bond increases our chances of survival and furthering the family’s genes into another generation. Alongside this, it also ensures that the more vulnerable, older members of the family are cared for. This form of love creates a generational link with the past, passing on secure attachment, traditions, and values.

Outside of survival, having a close familial bond provides many personal benefits. According to research, people with better social support live longer, have increased well-being and self-compassion, and experience less depression and stress.

Growing up in a loving family environment also gives us internal working models for healthy relationships. For example, positive adolescent non-familial relationships have been found to be predicted and encouraged by secure attachment. This effect extends to romantic relationships, with adolescents from more positive family climates reporting less violent behavior and more effective problem-solving. Additionally, in adolescence, family connectedness also results in increased use of adaptive coping strategies, such as meditation and seeking help. This connectedness also results in decreased use of maladaptive coping strategies, such as drug use and self-harm. Meaning that teenagers from more connected families may develop healthier emotional regulation skills than those from a more disrupted environment.

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Final Words on Storge Love

Storge love is the love felt between close family, particularly between a caregiver and child, and is important for our emotional and physical wellbeing. Plus, even though research doesn’t typically make use of the term storge love, components of it are found in many psychological theories, including attachment theory.

Feeling connected to and supported by our families not only benefits us individually, but the whole family as a group and society as a whole.