Trauma Bond Withdrawal Symptoms: What They Are and How to Cope

Trauma bond withdrawal symptoms are common after breaking free from a trauma bond. This article covers all of these symptoms and why they occur.

A relationship ending is a common form of grief, resulting in heartbreak and intense feelings of loss. However, when a trauma bond relationship ends, breaking free can be a difficult and confusing time.

Trauma bonds are insidious, dependent connections in which a target of abuse develops a strong attachment to their abuser. The reason for this intense attachment is due to how an abuser forges a sense of “addiction” within their target for their affection and attention.

If you or someone you know has escaped a trauma bond, it’s important to know what trauma bond withdrawal symptoms are, that they’re normal, and how to cope. Awareness of this information can reduce the chances that the target of abuse will reenter the trauma bond relationship.

To help raise awareness of trauma bond withdrawal symptoms, this article covers:

• Why trauma bond withdrawal happens
• What the emotional symptoms of trauma bond withdrawal are
• The psychological symptoms of trauma withdrawal
• The physiological symptoms of trauma withdrawal
• How to cope with trauma bond withdrawal symptoms

Why Does Trauma Bond Withdrawal Happen?

A trauma bond is a psychological response to cycles of abuse in which an abuser alternates periods of affection and love with belittlement and blame. Due to these cycles, the target forms a sense of psychological and physical “addiction” to the validation associated with the stages of affection and praise.

Furthermore, a trauma bond is both positively and negatively reinforced for the target. This reinforcement makes it more likely that the target will stay in the relationship or experience withdrawal symptoms when they break from it.

Positive reinforcement in a trauma bond occurs when an abuser love-bombs, praises, and validates the target to facilitate dependence. The target responds by experiencing an increase in the hormones in the reward system of the brain and craves this validation during periods when the abuser is belittling them.

Negative reinforcement in a trauma bond happens when the abuser ceases providing affection and praise and enters one of the abusive stages of the trauma bond, such as gaslighting. The cessation of the positive stages creates a desire within the target for their return, leading them to do whatever they can to bring it back.

If you would like to know more about the stages of trauma bonding, our article on the topic has all the information you need.

As you can see, breaking free from a trauma bond is a complicated process due to how targets of abuse are continually reinforced to stay within the relationship. We’ve broken the different types of trauma bond withdrawal down to help further increase understanding.

Emotional Symptoms of Trauma Bond Withdrawal

Due to how an abuser within a trauma bond dynamic creates a sense of self-blame and guilt within the target of their abuse, the target often experiences the following symptoms of emotional trauma bond withdrawal.

• Confusion: The target may feel unclear about their feelings towards their abuser. After all, they experienced strong feelings of infatuation – even love – towards their abuser due to the love-bombing stage of the trauma bond. Therefore, they may struggle to reconcile these positive feelings with the maltreatment they endured within the relationship.
• Self-Doubt: Targets of abuse often internalize feelings of being to blame for their abuser’s actions. Therefore, they’re primed to feel that if they had behaved better, then their abuser wouldn’t have mistreated them. Furthermore, after prolonged gaslighting and belittlement, they may have lost a sense of self. This can create increased self-doubt when attempting to restructure their lives.
• Cravings for the abuser: The love-bombing and dependence forging stages of the trauma bond create a deep sense of reliance on the abuser for feelings of elation and validation. Once the trauma bond is broken, it’s common to crave a return of this “high.”
• Fear of abandonment: People with low self-worth and esteem are potentially more susceptible to developing a trauma bond. This is perhaps due to childhoods or subsequent relationships in which they were taught they weren’t “worthy” of affection. Therefore, within the trauma bond, the abuser prays on their fear of being abandoned. Once the relationship is over, the target may experience an increase in this fear, as they are primed to believe that people will leave them.
• Guilt and self-blame: The target may feel intensely guilty about leaving or reporting their abuser. Additionally, they may blame themselves for their abuser’s actions.
• Isolation: Due to feelings of shame and loss, and loss of a sense of self, someone who has escaped a trauma bond may isolate themselves from friends and family. They may also choose not to engage in activities they previously enjoyed.

Psychological Symptoms of Trauma Bond Withdrawal

In addition to the emotional symptoms of trauma bond withdrawal, the target of abuse may experience negative psychological symptoms. These include:

• Cognitive dissonance: Cognitive dissonance occurs when we hold conflicting beliefs, attitudes, and values, creating a deep sense of psychological distress. The conflicting feelings a target of abuse feels towards their abuser may create a sense of dissonance, and motivate them to return to the relationship to reduce feelings of distress.
• Attachment issues: The loss of the relationship and treatment within it can trigger previous attachment issues. This could create avoidance of future relationships, or, alternatively, the individual may struggle to create healthy future bonds or be drawn to unhealthy relationship dynamics.
• Post-traumatic stress: PTSD can occur after a trauma bond is broken, such as in the form of nightmares and flashbacks about the abuse.
• Anxiety: The loss of a relationship and the sudden absence of the abuser can cause the target to feel intensely worried about what the abuser is doing or going to react. Plus, they may erroneously feel anxious about how they contributed to their abuser’s actions.
• Depression: After a trauma bond ends, the target may feel hopeless and empty. The focus of their attention is no longer present, so the future might seem bleak.
• Hypervigilance to threat: The target may fear repercussions for leaving the relationship, so they may be consistently vigilant towards potential threats.

Physical Symptoms of Trauma Bond Withdrawal

Along with the emotional and psychological symptoms, once someone breaks free from a trauma bond they may experience the following physical withdrawal symptoms:

• A decrease in the “reward system” hormones: The trauma bond cycle can cause a physical “high” associated with infatuation or reward – due to spikes in the hormones dopamine and norepinephrine. Once the relationship ends, these hormones return to normal and can result in a low mood.
• Insomnia and fatigue: Due to nightmares and flashbacks, the target might dread and struggle to sleep. This can lead to low energy and contribute to mood disorders such as anxiety and depression.
• Changes in appetite: Once the trauma bond is broken, the target may attempt to cope with their negative feelings by overeating. Alternatively, they may experience a loss of appetite.
• Headaches and muscle tension: Oftentimes, intense anxiety and low mood can manifest in the body as headaches and muscle tension.

How to Cope With Trauma Bond Withdrawal Symptoms

Trauma bond withdrawal symptoms can create an overwhelming urge to reduce negative feelings – which can sometimes result in someone reentering the trauma bond relationship. This is not something you should do – although there may be an initial brief period of love-bombing, an abuser will return to previous maltreatment.

Trauma bond withdrawal symptoms are temporary, and once you manage them effectively you can and will recover from the trauma bond. The following steps can help you cope with trauma bond withdrawal symptoms:

Therapy for Trauma Bond Withdrawal

The first step you can take for coping with trauma bond withdrawal is to confide in a mental health professional. For example, someone trained in trauma-informed therapy can help you rebuild trust, develop your self-esteem, manage your distress, and create a safety plan. Other forms of therapy can also help you recover from trauma, such as psychodynamic therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy (EMDR).

Seek support from loved ones

Although you may feel the urge to isolate, it’s important to surround yourself with people who have your best interests at heart. These people can listen to your concerns, distract you from emotional pain, and help you see the errors in your thinking patterns when you’re slipping into self-blame.

Restructure your beliefs

You may have a deep-rooted fear that people will abandon you, or have internalized blame or guilt around the abuse you encountered. If this is the case, it’s important to challenge your maladaptive beliefs.

Challenging negative thoughts involves taking a step back from negative self-talk and asking, “Is this really true?” But how can you do this? Challenging your beliefs could involve:

• Logging your thoughts: Creating a thought journal has shown several key benefits in research; it helps to manage anxiety, reduce stress, and help people cope with depression. It can also assist you in tracking your symptoms and identifying triggers–so you can start developing coping strategies.
• Practicing gratitude: This technique helps to combat negative self-talk and alter your brain by increasing the release of “happy” hormones. This not only helps with withdrawal symptoms but can also boost your overall mental health.
• Trying mindfulness: Evidence suggests that regularly practicing mindfulness can increase your resilience, which can help to reduce the symptoms of abandonment issues.

Practice self-care

Breaking free from a trauma bond can leave us feeling low, and significantly impact our self-esteem and confidence. Therefore, prioritizing self-care is vital. Self-care is different for everyone, the most important factor is making sure it’s meaningful to you.

Examples of self-care are:

• Practicing mindfulness
• Engaging in regular exercise
• Yoga
• Taking personal time from work
• Listening to your favorite playlist or podcast
• Getting enough sleep
• Taking a relaxing bubble bath
• Spending time with your friends and loved ones
• Having alone time
• Journaling

These self-care practices will nourish your mind and body and give you the headspace you need to process and reflect on your experiences so that you can move on.

Final Words on Coping With Trauma Bond Withdrawal Symptoms

A trauma bond is a psychological attachment to someone who inflicts emotional or physical harm on a target. If you or someone you care about is experiencing trauma bond withdrawal symptoms, it’s important to understand that this is normal. The target of the abuse is conditioned to desire the affection and validation of their abuser.

However, through taking steps such as therapy, cognitive restructuring, seeking support, and practicing self-care, the symptoms of trauma bond withdrawal will ease.

Recovery is a process. It takes time, it takes effort – sometimes it will take all you’ve got. But you will recover. Plus, with awareness of what healthy relationships look like, in time you will enter a mutually satisfying partnership.