The Psychology of Cuffing Season and Attachment

The evenings are getting darker, days are colder, and the calendar is counting down the days until a handful of family gatherings. Despite enjoying a single summer, you start to feel the urge to find someone to cozy up with – it’s cuffing season.

According to a survey by dating.com, 60% of dating app users who report feeling lonely during fall and winter use online dating as a “quick fix for anxiety or loneliness”. But does this indicate that we’re looking for a real connection during cuffing season, or just someone to wait out the cold with?

In this article, we’ll explain what cuffing season actually is, the psychology behind cuffing season, and why it matters to your attachment style.

What Is Cuffing Season?

Cuffing season is a dating term describing the fall-winter period when singles might seek partners for the colder months. In the USA, this also coincides with several holidays associated with close relationships: Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and Valentine’s Day.

“Cuffing” is related to “handcuffing”, as in handcuffing yourself to someone else, but the term is likely related to the African-American Vernacular English (AAVE) “cuff” as another word for “hook up”.

The dating.com survey found a 30% increase in dating app activity from November to February, though this could be because in-person events where singles have the opportunity to meet are less frequent during this period. Later on, we’ll explore whether or not the psychological evidence suggests we’re actually looking for a partner during cuffing season.

When Does Cuffing Season Start and End?

Cuffing season typically starts around late September/October, to give relationships time to form before the first holiday of the season: Thanksgiving. Some people refer to phases in sports terms, like drafting season and tryouts in the first few months, followed by playoffs at the beginning of the new year – but most aren’t following a strict dating schedule, and many aren’t intentionally planning for cuffing season at all.

Cuffing season notably overlaps with engagement season, according to wedding planning company The Knot, whose survey found that 47% of proposals happen between November and February.

The Science Behind Cuffing Season

To look at the science behind cuffing season, we can split our observations into two sections: biological and psychological theories of cuffing season.

The Biology of Cuffing Season

One biological theory of cuffing season is that our bodies are evolutionarily designed to look for a mate for the winter. If this is true, then the patterns we see in the northern hemisphere should be the opposite in the southern hemisphere, where fall-winter is around May-September, and the effects may be less pronounced where seasons are less pronounced nearer the equator.

In support of this theory, one study found that men’s testosterone levels in Tromsø, Norway, which is in the Arctic Circle and experiences extreme seasons, peaked in October and November [1]. Patterns of birth rates and sexual activity also peak around Christmas in the northern hemisphere [2], [3].

The Psychology of Cuffing Season

However, not all studies suggest that seasonal changes in sexual interest are biologically ingrained: one study found that interest in sex peaks during significant religious holidays in both hemispheres, and depends on which holidays are the most important in each country’s own culture [4].

This implies that it isn’t the meteorological seasons that we’re responding to, but the cultural associations – for example, Christmas occurs at the height of summer in Australia, yet sexual interest peaks in mid-late December in Australia and New Zealand the same way it does in the USA and UK.

So, it could be that we’re cuffing because the November-February holidays emphasizing togetherness are driving us to find a partner.

Cuffing Season and Attachment Styles

We still need more research on whether the change in seasons can be related to your attachment style, but we can theorize based on what we already know about attachment theory and cuffing season.

Anxious Attachment and Cuffing Season

If you have an anxious attachment style, you might find the idea of cuffing season especially stressful. You’re more likely to have a higher fear of abandonment, so the thought that someone might be in it for just a couple of months can be distressing.

Try to remember that “cuffing season” seems to reflect a natural, whether biological or psychological, pattern of relationships, rather than a purposeful intention to leave in the spring. If your relationship did start in fall or winter, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your partner isn’t in it for the long haul.

Avoidant Attachment and Cuffing Season

If you have an avoidant attachment style, you might be more likely to initiate the end of relationships after the initial stages during cuffing season. You may not do it on purpose, but the idea of relationships having an expiration date might feel comforting or safe to you.

If your relationships start to feel too intense around or after Valentine’s Day, it might be your attachment avoidance creeping in. Learning more about avoidance and how it might show up in your relationships can help you to understand what you need to feel secure.

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment and Cuffing Season

If you have the fearful-avoidant attachment style, you might find it doubly difficult to maintain relationships after the cuffing season phase. You likely experience both attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance, leading you to feel on edge about the potential springtime end yet expecting it.

Because you have a negative view of others as well as yourself, you can find it difficult to feel secure in the knowledge that your partner wants to be with you. Family holidays and Valentine’s Day can be reassuring, so when the cuffing season period is over, it might feel like something’s missing. Understanding how your attachment style plays into your relationship patterns can help you develop healthier coping styles.

Secure Attachment and Cuffing Season

If you have a secure attachment style, you might be the least likely to experience cyclical relationships. You don’t need the holidays to feel reassured, and increasing intensity in a relationship doesn’t make you feel on edge.

If you start dating someone with an insecure attachment style during cuffing season, they probably aren’t “cuffing” on purpose or already planning to break up in the spring, but the end of the season might bring extra stressors for them that put strain on the relationship. Learning about attachment styles together can help you navigate these changes as a team.

When Cuffing Becomes a Pattern

Sometimes, it’s just a coincidence that a relationship follows the general timeline of cuffing season. Sometimes the end of a relationship in the springtime isn’t a coincidence, but it’s not something to worry about if it’s a one-off.

If you notice that your relationships are repeatedly starting in the fall and ending around 4-6 months later, something about cuffing season might be a source of difficulty for you. If you’re finding it difficult to spend the winter months alone, or the end of winter triggers a sense of unease or uncertainty in relationships for you, it can help to spend some time reflecting on the patterns through the years.

Your attachment style might be playing a role in this. To find out your attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance scores, take our free attachment quiz.

Conclusion

Cuffing season is a dating pattern where people partner up around September-October, only to break up a month or two into the new year. There are potential biological explanations for this behavior, but it seems to be that cultural events are better at predicting sexual interest than meteorological seasons.

If you find yourself repeatedly cycling through relationships during cuffing season, your attachment style might be playing a role. Understanding more about your personal attachment style and how it shows up in your relationships can help you to break the pattern and enjoy dating well past the end of cuffing season – take our free attachment quiz to learn more.

FAQs About Cuffing Season

Is cuffing season a real thing?

Studies and surveys have shown that dating and sexual interest increase around October-February, even in the southern hemispheres where these months correspond to summer. This suggests cuffing season is driven by cultural holidays rather than the meteorological seasons.

Can a cuffing season relationship become long-term?

A cuffing season relationship can become long-term – most people aren’t entering relationships with the intention to end them in a couple of months. Understanding your attachment styles can help you navigate the post-holiday period.

Why do I want a boyfriend in the winter?

People might want to partner up in the winter because there are fewer social events and the cold, dark weather can make us want companionship. It might also be associated with cultural holidays in the northern hemisphere.

How do I know if I’m being cuffed?

Most people aren’t planning the end of a relationship when it starts, but if your partner is finding it difficult to see a future beyond the end of cuffing season, they might avoid making future plans with you.

What is the psychology behind cuffing season?

Even in the southern hemisphere and non-Christian countries, sexual interest peaks around major cultural holidays. This suggests cuffing season might be driven by a desire to have companionship during family and social occasions, rather than changes in the weather and biology.

References