Why You’re Overthinking: The Psychology and Attachment Perspective

Overthinking can feel like a constant negative cycle. The more you try to distract yourself from it, the more you can find yourself focusing on the same thoughts. Finding ways to stop overthinking can help you to break the cycle.

If you have attachment insecurity, you might be more prone to overthinking – but anyone can find themselves in a position where they can’t stop overthinking. In fact, 73% of young adults report overthinking.

You’ll find a lot of advice online about how to stop overthinking, but does psychological research back it up? In this article, we’ll go over the psychological evidence for various ways to stop overthinking in general, ways to stop overthinking in relationships, and how to stop overthinking after being cheated on.

Why Is It So Hard to Stop Overthinking?

Overthinking is associated with differences in cognition, like difficulty switching focus to new tasks. This means that overthinking can actually be located in your brain – it’s not just you. The more you overthink, the lower your mood for longer, which can lead to even more negative overthinking¹.

As a result, you end up stuck in an overthinking cycle. Overthinking at times, especially during high stress, is a normal human experience. It’s when you get stuck in the negative mood-overthinking loop that overthinking can become a problem.

Thankfully, there are ways psychologists have shown that you can break the cycle and stop overthinking.

Evidence-Based Strategies to Stop Overthinking

There are a few ways that you can try to manage overthinking. Strategies specifically targeting negative overthinking have been found to be more effective than non-specific strategies – in other words, focusing specifically on overthinking can help you to stop overthinking more effectively than general approaches².

Mindfulness and Meditation for Overthinking

Mindfulness aims to ground you in the present and enable you to observe thoughts and experiences without judgement. Mindfulness can be difficult at first – it is a learned skill that improves with time, so don’t feel discouraged if it doesn’t work out straight away.

It can be helpful to try mindfulness-based interventions with licensed mental health practitioners. These are often delivered in groups, which can help to normalize your challenges and offer a degree of peer support.

Incorporating mindfulness in existing interventions has been shown to reduce negative rumination more than those interventions without mindfulness³.

Cognitive Behavioral Approaches

Cognitive behavioral approaches focus on the connections between your thoughts, feelings, and actions you take. Challenging your behaviors can be the easiest place to break a cycle, since you likely have the most control over the things you do over the things you think and feel. For example, if overthinking, feeling anxious, and doomscrolling often come hand-in-hand, finding an activity to replace doomscrolling can reduce the anxiety and overthinking too.

Cognitive behavioral approaches also challenge our thoughts. We often fall into cognitive biases – patterns of thinking that are thought to have evolved to help us make quick decisions, but lead us to think irrationally. An example of this would be black-and-white thinking: believing a situation is either one way or another, with no room for nuance or grey area in between.

Cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, has been found to benefit negative rumination, especially when it’s focused specifically on the negative thought patterns². As with any psychological intervention, working with a licensed practitioner can be very helpful.

The Power of Strategic Distraction

We often try to deal with overthinking by distracting ourselves – but does distraction actually help?

Research has suggested that distraction might be a useful short-term strategy, but relying on distraction can become a form of avoidance, which, in turn, increases overthinking in the long-term⁴. If distraction is the only way to break an overthinking loop, use the opportunity to practice mindfulness or cognitive behavioral techniques while you’re in a better headspace. The more you practice these strategies, including moments when you don’t need them, the easier they’ll come to you when you do need them.

How Do I Stop Overthinking Relationships?

Overthinking in relationships is particularly common in people with high attachment anxiety. People with high attachment avoidance might be more likely to suppress any unwanted thoughts and feelings, but when you have high attachment anxiety, your brain is working overtime to find patterns and clues about your relationship.

With that said, anyone can find themselves overthinking in a relationship, especially after certain triggers like being cheated on.

Stopping overthinking in a relationship might involve the same strategies as overthinking in general. Communicating with your partner could answer some questions and alleviate some anxiety, but if overthinking is coming from anxiety rather than uncertainty, the same problem is likely to reoccur.

How to Stop Overthinking After Being Cheated On

Overthinking can be a normal part of the process when something unexpected and disruptive happens in your life, including being cheated on. It can leave you with lots of questions that don’t necessarily have answers, and your brain can try every cognitive bias it has to try to explain what happened.

It can be tempting to talk it over with the person who cheated on you over and over again in search of answers, but, even if it was helpful the first time, there is unlikely to be any new information and anything else to gain from talking about it. If you decide to stay in your relationship, it’s important to have self-compassion and boundaries while you move toward acceptance.

Whether you’re staying with your partner and learning acceptance or breaking up and learning separation, self-compassion and boundaries can help you to navigate this stressful time.

When to Seek Professional Help

Embarking on any mental health journey can bring up uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, and memories. Although there are self-help resources out there, involving a qualified mental health practitioner can help you to stay grounded and reflect on your progress.

Therapy doesn’t have to involve digging deep into your past – the kind of therapy you prefer might involve thinking about emotional regulation, learning about the psychology behind your inner experiences, and learning practical tools with the support of someone qualified to teach them.

If you find yourself feeling worse instead of better, not understanding the strategies you’re trying to implement, or finding other things are coming up for you when you’re trying to stop overthinking, this is where professional help could be particularly useful to get you back on track.

FAQs About Stopping Overthinking

How do I stop overthinking after being cheated on?

Overthinking after being cheated on is normal – you have so many questions and big emotions. The same strategies for general overthinking can be helpful after being cheated on (mindfulness and cognitive behavioral techniques). Sometimes it can help to have a conversation with the person who cheated on you, but repeated conversations can go around in circles.

Is there therapy specifically for overthinking?

Lots of therapies are well suited to overthinking, and you and your therapist can choose the right therapy for you to specifically target overthinking. Cognitive behavioral approaches and mindfulness have been found to be particularly beneficial.

Why do I overthink during sex?

If you’re overthinking during sex, you might be finding it difficult to stay present. It can help to communicate with your partner about what you enjoy. If you think there might be a deeper reason you can’t stay present during sex, it might be helpful to involve a mental health professional to talk about your concerns.

How can I help someone who overthinks?

If someone in your life is overthinking, they might often come to you for reassurance. Although this alleviates anxiety in the short-term, using this strategy alone can increase anxiety and overthinking long-term. It might help to set boundaries around reassurance seeking and gently lead them to consider other strategies, like mindfulness and cognitive behavioral approaches.

Does overthinking ever go away?

It is possible to stop overthinking. Sometimes it happens naturally when life stressors have subsided, but sometimes it takes more active work to unlearn negative thinking patterns.

References

1. Watkins ER, Roberts H. Reflecting on rumination: Consequences, causes, mechanisms and treatment of rumination. Behaviour research and therapy. 2020 Apr 1;127:103573.
2. Stenzel KL, Keller J, Kirchner L, Rief W, Berg M. Efficacy of cognitive behavioral therapy in treating repetitive negative thinking, rumination, and worry–a transdiagnostic meta-analysis. Psychological medicine. 2025 Jan;55:e31.
3. Perestelo-Perez L, Barraca J, Penate W, Rivero-Santana A, Alvarez-Perez Y. Mindfulness-based interventions for the treatment of depressive rumination: Systematic review and meta-analysis. International Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology. 2017 Sep 1;17(3):282-95.
4. Nolen-Hoeksema S, Wisco BE, Lyubomirsky S. Rethinking rumination. Perspectives on psychological science. 2008 Sep;3(5):400-24.