Ludus Love: Understanding the Game-Playing Love Style

Do you think relationships should be fun, easy, and casual? Do you prefer to have a few casual partners in your life at the same time? If so, then you might have the love style Ludus.

Ludus is a “game playing” approach to love, where the priorities are having fun and being spontaneous. Ludic lovers enjoy playful and flirtatious teasing, and they don’t encourage emotional attachment and jealousy.

In this article, we’ll dive deeper into what Ludus is, how you know if you have the Ludus love style, and what connections it might have to your attachment style.

Ludus Love

Ludus is one of Canadian psychologist John Alan Lee’s 6 love attitudes that describe the different ways we approach romantic relationships¹, ². There are 3 primary styles, of which Ludus is one, alongside Storge (platonic love) and Eros (passionate love). The combinations of these each give 3 secondary styles: Agape (selfless love), Mania (possessive love), and Pragma (practical love).

Lee theorized that we each have one main love style in our approach to romantic love, and these patterns show up in how we look for, find, and behave with partners.

Ludus Love Meaning

Ludus love may be defined as a playful and lighthearted love. It denotes a desire to have fun with each other, play harmless games, and indulge in the satisfaction and thrill of the feelings, whilst understanding it is not a long-term commitment.

When you think of spontaneous and carefree romantic experiences, you are thinking of Ludus love. It is not uncommon for Ludus love to result in casual sex; where flirting, teasing and seduction are common. This type of relationship can be completely fulfilling, as long as both parties understand the agreement/relationship and respect each other.

The name “Ludus” comes from the Latin word meaning “game” or “play,” which perfectly captures the essence of this love style – approaching relationships with a sense of fun, spontaneity, and emotional lightness.

Ludus Traits

If you have the Ludus love attitude, you might recognize the following traits:

• Liking several different “types” and finding it easy to switch between them.
• A preference for casual and uncommitted relationships, sometimes with multiple people at once.
• Enjoys “the thrill of the chase” and the game-playing side of relationships.
• May keep real feelings hidden from partners.
• Values freedom and independence in romantic situations.
• Prefers variety over routine in dating and relationships.
• Enjoys flirting and seduction as recreational activities.
• Avoids deep emotional conversations or serious relationship talks.

Challenges of Ludus Love

Even though it prioritizes fun and casual experiences, the Ludus love style can be challenging if both partners are not on the same page. If the Ludic partner doesn’t disclose their intentions and instead leads their partner on, guilt can build up and cause difficulties in the relationship. The Ludic lover’s preference for non-commitment could also become a challenge when it’s time for the relationship to take the next step.

Additional challenges may include:

• Mismatched expectations when partners want different levels of commitment
• Difficulty transitioning to serious relationships when circumstances change
• Potential for emotional hurt if communication about intentions isn’t clear
• Social stigma around non-traditional relationship approaches
• Internal conflict when deeper feelings unexpectedly develop

Examples of Ludus in Relationships

Within relationships, Ludus love styles enjoy playful flirting, having fun, and enjoying new experiences together. Ludus love styles can and do enter serious committed relationships, but even in these circumstances the emphasis tends to be on having fun together. If they don’t intend to commit or they’re seeing multiple partners, they may or may not disclose this – some prefer to make sure their partners know they’re dating multiple people to keep emotional closeness at bay.

Common examples of Ludus love in action include:

• Playful text exchanges filled with flirtation and teasing
• Spontaneous date ideas that prioritize fun over deep connection
• Keeping relationships light by avoiding serious topics or future planning
• Enjoying the dating process more than the relationship destination
• Using dating apps casually without seeking long-term partnerships
• Maintaining multiple casual connections simultaneously
• Focusing on present-moment enjoyment rather than relationship building

Attachment and Ludus Love

Our attachment style is based on our early childhood experiences. Research shows that this had the ability to impact how we relate to others around us in various forms of relationships (everything from friendships to romantic partners). If an insecure attachment forms, we often see an impact on our romantic relationships. Generally speaking, attachment theory has a big impact on our ability to love and also how we love.

The Ludus love style is often associated with higher attachment avoidance and lower attachment security³. This is likely because people with high attachment avoidance also prefer casual, non-commital relationships.

Our own research here at The Attachment Project found that Ludus was associated with both higher attachment avoidance and higher attachment anxiety, though our results were not as strong as previous studies.

How Different Attachment Styles Express Ludus Love

The way Ludus love manifests can vary depending on your underlying attachment style:

• Dismissive-Avoidant: May use Ludus as a way to maintain independence and avoid emotional vulnerability. They often prefer the game-playing aspect because it keeps relationships at a comfortable distance.
• Fearful-Avoidant: Might be drawn to Ludus because it allows them to experience connection without the risk of deep intimacy. They may struggle with wanting more but fearing commitment.
• Anxious-Preoccupied: Could use Ludus temporarily as a coping mechanism after relationship disappointments, though this style typically conflicts with their deeper need for security and commitment.
• Secure Attachment: May enjoy Ludus during certain life phases (like college years) but typically prefer more committed relationships as they mature.

Ludus Love vs. Other Love Styles

Understanding how Ludus differs from other love styles can help clarify your own approach:

• Ludus vs. Eros: While Eros seeks intense passion and deep connection, Ludus prefers playful interactions without emotional intensity
• Ludus vs. Storge: Storge builds love from friendship and commitment, while Ludus actively avoids deep friendship and commitment
• Ludus vs. Pragma: Pragma takes a practical, goal-oriented approach, while Ludus focuses purely on fun and spontaneity
• Ludus vs. Mania: Mania involves obsessive, possessive love, while Ludus maintains emotional distance and freedom
• Ludus vs. Agape: Agape is selfless and nurturing, while Ludus is more self-focused on personal enjoyment

When Ludus Love Works Well

Ludus love can be a healthy and fulfilling approach when:

• Both partners have similar expectations about casual, non-committed relationships
• Communication is clear and honest about intentions and boundaries
• There’s mutual respect for each other’s autonomy and choices
• It matches your current life circumstances, such as focusing on career or personal growth
• Both people can handle multiple connections without jealousy or possessiveness
• It serves as a temporary phase rather than a lifelong pattern that prevents deeper connections

Evolving Beyond Ludus Love

While Ludus can be appropriate for certain life stages, some people may find they want to evolve toward more committed relationship styles as they mature. This transition might involve:

• Developing greater emotional awareness and comfort with vulnerability
• Exploring underlying attachment patterns that might drive the preference for casual relationships
• Practicing deeper communication skills that support intimate connections
• Addressing fears about commitment and long-term relationships
• Learning to balance independence with interdependence in partnerships

Final Thoughts on Ludus Love

Ludus is a fun, lighthearted, casual approach to love. It can work well when both partners are on the same page, but if not, mismatched desires and expectations can cause difficulties in the relationship.

Understanding your love style, whether it’s Ludus or a combination of styles, can help you make more informed choices about relationships and communicate your needs more effectively. Remember that love styles can evolve over time, and what works for you now might change as you grow and your life circumstances shift.

The key is being honest with yourself and potential partners about your current approach to love and relationships, ensuring that everyone involved can make informed decisions about their level of involvement.

Frequently Asked Questions About Ludus Love

Is Ludus love style immature or unhealthy?

Ludus love isn’t inherently immature or unhealthy. It can be a valid approach to relationships when practiced with honesty, respect, and clear communication. Problems arise when expectations aren’t aligned or when people use Ludus to avoid emotional growth.

Can people with Ludus love style have long-term relationships?

Yes, people with Ludus love style can have long-term relationships, though they typically maintain a playful, less emotionally intense approach even within committed partnerships. The key is finding a partner who appreciates this lighthearted style.

How is Ludus different from being emotionally unavailable?

While both involve emotional distance, Ludus is typically more honest and upfront about intentions. Ludic lovers often communicate their casual approach, while emotionally unavailable people may send mixed signals or make false promises of commitment.

Do people with avoidant attachment always prefer Ludus love?

Not necessarily. While there’s a correlation between avoidant attachment and Ludus love, people can have different love styles depending on their circumstances, personal growth, and conscious choices about relationships.

Can Ludus love coexist with other love styles in the same person?

Yes, many people have elements of multiple love styles and may express different styles in different relationships or life phases. Someone might use Ludus in casual dating but adopt Storge or Pragma in serious relationships.

How do I know if my casual approach is healthy Ludus or avoidance of intimacy?

Healthy Ludus involves conscious choice, clear communication, and genuine enjoyment of playful connections. If you’re avoiding casual relationships due to fear, past trauma, or inability to connect, it might be worth exploring with a therapist.

References

1. Lee JA. A typology of styles of loving. Personality and social psychology bulletin. 1977 Jan;3(2):173-82.
2. Hendrick C, Hendrick S. A theory and method of love. Journal of personality and social psychology. 1986 Feb;50(2):392.
3. Levy MB, Davis KE. Lovestyles and attachment styles compared: Their relations to each other and to various relationship characteristics. Journal of social and Personal Relationships. 1988 Nov;5(4):439-71.

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