Why Are They So Cold and Manipulative? The Hidden Link Between Attachment and Machiavellianism

Have you ever met someone with a pessimistic view of others, who treated people the way they expected to be treated? Perhaps they came across as cold, manipulative, and cynical – this describes someone high in Machiavellianism.

Machiavellianism, named after 16th century political philosopher Niccolò Machiavelli (but unrelated to his politics), describes people who are more willing to act immorally and without concern for others’ wellbeing to achieve their goals. They are often described as manipulative.

The relationship between Machiavellianism and attachment styles has been explored by multiple psychological studies. In this article, we’ll explain more about Machiavellianism and how it fits into the Dark Triad, the psychological and attachment processes behind Machiavellianism, and how to manage Machiavellian traits in your relationships.

What is Machiavellianism in Psychology?

Machiavellianism was first explored in a psychological context and named by psychologists Christie and Geis in Studies in Machiavellianism [1]. Machiavellianism is a personality trait, not a clinical diagnosis, although high Machiavellianism might be expressed in diagnoses like antisocial personality disorder [2].

People who score highly in Machiavellianism tend to:

• View relationships as strategic tools
• Feel emotionally detached from others
• Justify their actions with the belief that others view the world the same way but are weak

All of us score somewhere on the scale of Machiavellianism; personality traits exist on a continuum, and we might express them more or less in certain contexts. For example, in environments where we have to be socially competitive, we might express higher Machiavellianism than we would in everyday life.

Machiavellianism vs. Narcissism and Psychopathy

Machiavellianism is one of the 3 personality traits that make up the Dark Triad [3]. The Dark Triad includes:

• Machiavellianism
• Narcissism (sub-clinical), characterized by grandiosity and a need for admiration from others
• Psychopathy (sub-clinical), characterized by impulsivity and reduced empathy

These are overlapping but distinct traits; a person can be high in one, two, or all three of them. The Dark Triad is not a clinical diagnosis, but a construct used to describe patterns of social interaction for research purposes.

The Psychology Behind Machiavellian Behavior

Machiavellian behavior is underscored by emotional detachment and a negative world view [4]. People high in Machiavellianism tend to prioritize goals like money, power, and status, and consider long term plans to achieve them. These plans could involve using other people as stepping stones, even if it’s to their detriment.

People high in Machiavellianism are able to consider another person’s perspective, but they’re not likely to worry about it unless it impacts their ability to achieve their goal. They also don’t tend to have difficulties with impulse control, instead relying on staying cool, calculated, and in control in emotionally charged situations.

Core Traits of Machiavellian Personalities

Examples of Machiavellian traits include:

• Strategizing to achieve goals based on power
• A lack of trust in others
• Emotional detachment from relationships and outcomes
• A belief that everyone thinks the same way, but most people are too weak or unintelligent to strategize
• Using relationships for personal gain instead of emotional connection

The MACH-IV is a popular measurement of Machiavellian traits, developed in the 1970s [2]. The MACH-IV includes 20 statements in 3 categories – views, tactics, and morality – which are answered in terms of how much you agree or disagree with them.

There are only 2 statements under the Morality category, because negative views of others and the use of manipulation tactics are the main factors in Machiavellianism. It’s also important to note that cultural norms about morality can shift, so it can be difficult to use this measure over a long period of time.

This information is intended to provide you with a more detailed overview of what constitutes Machiavellian behavior, not to be used as a diagnostic tool. The MACH-IV is intended for psychological researchers to use in controlled studies, not for assessing yourself or others.

Insecure Attachment and Machiavellianism

Our earliest attachment experiences develop our internal working models, which work as a mental map of ourselves and others. If your attachment figure is cold or unreliable, you form beliefs about yourself (e.g., “I am not worthy of love”) and others (e.g. “other people are self-centred”) to make sense of it.

In this way, your childhood experiences could play a role in personality development – including Machiavellian traits. Your genetics, temperament, and later life experiences can also play a role, but the experiences that could lead to Machiavellian traits can also lead to insecure attachment styles; so, could there be a link between attachment and Machiavellianism?

A 2025 meta-analysis, which is like a study of all the existing studies, found that insecure attachment was significantly associated with higher Machiavellianism – particularly fearful-avoidant (high anxiety, high avoidance) and disorganized patterns [5].

Attachment Avoidance and Machiavellian Control

In one study, Machiavellianism was found to be associated with multiple factors shared by attachment avoidance [6]:

• Self-reliance
• Discomfort with closeness
• Discomfort with dependence
• Distrust in partners
• Tough-minded independence
• Low separation anxiety
• Attachment-related anger at partners
• Uncertainty about feelings for partners
• Desire to merge with partners

This study found that dismissive-avoidant (high avoidance, low anxiety) was the most common attachment style in people high in Machiavellianism. A positive view of the self and a negative view of others is characteristic of both Machiavellianism and attachment avoidance, as well as detachment and independence.

Attachment Anxiety in Machiavellian Individuals

This study found no relationship with Machiavellianism and attachment anxiety overall, although they did share the following traits:

• Discomfort with closeness
• Distrust in partners
• Attachment-related anger at partners
• Uncertainty about feelings for partners
• Desire to merge with partners

Although this study found no correlation with attachment anxiety, these shared traits may explain why the meta-analysis found that the fearful-avoidant style is most commonly associated with Machiavellianism.

Both studies agreed that the anxious-preoccupied (high anxiety, low avoidance) style was not as common in Machiavellianism, with secure attachment styles the least represented in high Machiavellian people. This makes sense – the need for validation, reassurance, and connection characteristic of attachment anxiety is the opposite of what’s typical in Machiavellianism, but attachment anxiety itself could be a drive toward Machiavellian behavior.

Disorganized Attachment and Machiavellianism

Attachment disorganization happens when the attachment system is severely disrupted. This is often attributed to fear of the caregiver, but it can also be related to an unsafe environment in other ways or major separation, such as a death or the long-term absence of a caregiver.

Attachment disorganization is a second label on top of one of the 3 existing infant attachment styles (secure, anxious, and avoidant), as the attachment system tends to only be disorganized in specific circumstances. Disorganized attachment systems tend to find a way to organize during childhood, but adults can still show signs of disorganization, also called unresolved attachments. This isn’t the same as the fearful-avoidant style, although these terms are sometimes used interchangeably.

This severe disruption and attachment disorganization could lead to a sense of lack of control and uncertainty about others, which we theorize could drive Machiavellian behavior to regain control and create a sense of predictability. More research is needed to examine this potential connection.

How Machiavellianism Personality Shows Up in Relationships

In relationships, Machiavellianism tends to be subtle. Machiavellian manipulation is well thought-out and strategized, so it doesn’t come with the same emotional displays as other Dark Triad traits might. Partners high in Machiavellian traits might:

• Strategically withhold information until it benefits them to expose it
• Minimize or try to reframe your emotional reactions instead of validating them
• Seem to be able to talk themselves out of anything

The important difference between staying cool and calm during conflict and negotiating a solution versus Machiavellian behavior is that one aims to reach a mutual understanding and support the relationship as a team, while the other aims to gain control.

The Need for Control and Emotional Distance

High Machiavellianism is associated with keeping emotional distance, but these partners might use intimacy to get what they want from their relationship. This could look like being extra attentive only when they need something, or even strategically withholding intimacy to manipulate an outcome.

Exploitation vs. Genuine Connection

It can be difficult to understand whether someone with high Machiavellianism traits is experiencing a genuine connection with you. It’s not necessarily “black and white” – remember, Machiavellianism is a spectrum trait, so it’s possible for someone to both use their relationship for personal gain and feel a genuine connection to their partner at the same time.

What’s important is how you experience your relationship: does your partner make you feel valued, understood, and loved? Do you feel secure with them, with or without them around? Or do you often have a gut feeling that something’s off?

What Happens When You’re in a Relationship with a Machiavellian Person?

When your partner exhibits high Machiavellian traits, you might find it difficult to trust them over time – especially if their Machiavellian behavior plays a role in your relationship. Your relationship might feel confusing, and you might wonder if you’re being “gaslit” – this is when someone denies or invalidates our experiences to the extent that we feel uncertain about our own reality.

This can be very detrimental to your mental health, and it may even impact your attachment style – even if you have a secure attachment now, having a partner who’s inconsistent and unreliable can create attachment insecurity.

Responding to Machiavellian Behavior in Relationships

Someone who stays calm during conflict isn’t necessarily Machiavellian – in fact, this is usually a positive sign of healthy emotional regulation. When dealing with Machiavellianism, it’s important to trust your own perceptions and boundaries.

We all have the potential to engage in Machiavellian behavior once in a while, but if you recognize patterns where boundaries and expectations such as honesty and consistency are broken, you may be dealing with serious relationship red flags. Focus on how this affects you and your relationship, rather than looking to label your partner.

Setting Boundaries with Machiavellian Individuals

Even if your partner displays some Machiavellian tendencies, setting boundaries can help you to be clear about what you expect from your relationship and what you won’t tolerate. This doesn’t mean laying out how you want your partner to change, but explaining to them the impact of their behavior and how you will respond from now on if it continues.

For example, if your partner withdraws affection when they want your attention, you might decide to explain how this makes you feel and that from now on, you won’t chase them when they withdraw.

The most important part of setting a boundary is sticking to it. It’s okay for boundaries to change with time, experience, and discussion, but if your partner repeatedly crosses boundaries you’ve agreed upon then it may be time to evaluate whether they can be a respectful and reliable partner.

When to Walk Away

If your partner is not respectful, reliable, or kind to you, then it might be time to walk away. Make sure to have a support system in place of trusted family and friends, and be clear on what you need to do and why.

If you ever feel you or someone else is in danger, call your emergency services or a local crisis line. Keep these numbers saved somewhere and share them with your support network if you think there’s a chance they’ll be needed.

For professional guidance and support, go to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (US): thehotline.org | phone 1-800-799-7233 | text “START” to 88788.

Can Machiavellianism Personality Traits Change?

Personality traits can shift a little over time, and it’s possible for someone with Machiavellian traits to learn different behavioral approaches. However, the first stage of change is the desire to change, so you can’t push your partner into learning new behaviors until they’re ready.

Research on changing Machiavellian traits specifically is limited. If you or your partner do/does want to change Machiavellian traits, then building trust, attachment security, and a positive view of others could help. This could be achieved to an extent through self-help, but guidance from mental health practitioners is strongly recommended.

There are lots of different kinds of therapy, and not all of them involve talking in-depth about past events or present feelings. For example, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) focuses on behavior and automatic thinking patterns, and psychoeducation focuses on understanding psychological processes to help with feelings of confusion and isolation around psychological experiences.

What’s right for you or your partner is an individual decision, and it’s okay to try different therapies or therapists until you find one that feels right for you.

Conclusion

Machiavellianism can be destructive in relationships, and as a spectrum-based trait, many people with apparent but less extreme Machiavellian behavior do also feel genuine connections. Your attachment style shapes your personality and social development, so it’s no surprise that Machiavellianism is associated with certain attachment patterns – particularly styles high in avoidance, and attachment disorganization.

People who want to change Machiavellian traits can support this by building secure attachments and trust in others. If you’re interested in attachment self-help materials, take a look at our self-guided courses.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is Machiavellianism a mental disorder?

Machiavellianism is considered a personality trait and part of the Dark Triad, but neither are a diagnosis.

Can someone be Machiavellian without realizing it?

People with Machiavellian traits tend to be aware of their behaviors, but might not know there’s a name and psychological theory for them.

What’s the difference between being strategic and being Machiavellian?

Machiavellianism is a spectrum trait describing strategic behavior in relationships without regard for the other person’s wellbeing, so you could be strategic without being Machiavellian if your social morals factor into your behavior.

Are Machiavellians capable of love?

People with Machiavellian traits are capable of love. Machiavellianism exists on a continuum, so many people might have high but not extreme Machiavellian traits and can be both strategic and emotionally connected at the same time.

Are Machiavellians insecure?

Machiavellianism involves a belief that other people think the same way they do, but behave differently because they lack the intelligence or motivation to strategize. They don’t tend to feel insecure about themselves, but they do tend to be insecurely attached.

Do Machiavellians get jealous?

People with Machiavellian traits can feel jealous like the rest of us, but jealousy specifically relating to Machiavellianism might be to do with protecting what they stand to gain from the relationship more than protecting the connection.

Can therapy help someone with Machiavellian traits?

Therapy can help someone who wants to change their Machiavellian traits by understanding behavioral patterns and/or modelling secure attachment.

How to tell if someone is a Machiavellian?

Someone who’s highly Machiavellian can be hard to spot because they can be very calculated and strategic in their relationships. You might have a gut feeling that something is wrong or notice patterns such as invalidating responses to your emotions or information being withheld until it benefits them the most to share it.

References

1. Christie R, Geis FL. Studies in Machiavellianism. Academic Press; 1970. https://doi.org/10.1016/C2013-0-10497-7
2. Rada FM, de Lucas Taracena MT, Rodríguez MM. Assessment of Machiavellian intelligence in antisocial disorder with the MACH-IV Scale. Actas españolas de psiquiatría. 2004 Mar 1;32(2):65-70.
3. Paulhus DL, Williams KM. The dark triad of personality: Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. Journal of research in personality. 2002 Dec 1;36(6):556-63.
4. Rauthmann JF, Will T. Proposing a multidimensional Machiavellianism conceptualization. Social Behavior and Personality: an international journal. 2011 Apr 30;39(3):391-403.
5. Zhang Y, Wang Y, Jiang X, Li X, Zhang J. The relationship between insecure attachment and Machiavellianism: A meta-analysis. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 2025 Apr 11:02654075251331679.
6. Ináncsi T, Láng A, Bereczkei T. Machiavellianism and adult attachment in general interpersonal relationships and close relationships. Europe’s journal of psychology. 2015 Feb 27;11(1):139.