Monkey Branching: Why Do We Monkey Branch Relationships?

Have you ever had an ex start dating someone so soon after your relationship ended, you wondered if they had them lined up all along? Perhaps you’ve done this yourself, or you have that one friend who never seems to stay single after a break up. If these sound familiar, then you’re already familiar with monkey branching.

Monkey branching is when someone has the next relationship lined up before leaving their current one. There are a few reasons why people monkey branch, and real psychology research to explain what might be going on – including links to attachment theory.

In this article, we’ll explore the psychology of monkey branching, the six stages of monkey branching, the signs of monkey branching, and how to deal with it if your current partner or your ex is a monkey brancher.

What Does Monkey Branching Mean?

Monkey branching gets its name from the image of a monkey swinging from branch to branch – it doesn’t let go of one branch until it has the next one within reach, otherwise it’ll fall. Using this metaphor, monkey branching in dating means when someone doesn’t leave a relationship without having the next one lined up.

It’s easy to confuse monkey branching with other dating behaviors like cheating, rebounding, cushioning, and benching, but there are subtle differences in how they show up.

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Monkey branching vs cheating

Monkey branching: Can be considered a grey-area, involves some deception, might be considered micro-cheating. Relationship ends.

Cheating: Clear crossed boundaries and partner deception, can occur during an ongoing relationship.

Monkey branching vs Rebounding

Monkey branching: Planned and intentional, a sense of overlap.

Rebounding: A reaction to a break up, not planned during the relationship, no overlap.

Monkey branching vs. Cushioning

Monkey branching: Potential new relationship with one person is lined up when a break up might be imminent.

Cushioning: Multiple backup options are kept warm during a relationship in case of a break up or ahead of cuffing season.

Monkey branching vs. Benching

Monkey branching: New partner may not have been in the picture long-term. Lining them up only happens in the context of a relationship.

Benching: Keeping someone on the sidelines long-term whether or not you’re currently in a relationship.

In one study, 66% of undergraduate students reported having at least one “back burner” – someone we’re romantically or sexually interested in, who we’re not currently involved with but keep in contact with to maintain the possibility that we will be in the future. This is closer to benching or cushioning than monkey branching, but research on back-up relationships typically focuses on these back burners [1].

The Psychology Behind Monkey Branching: Why Do People Do It?

People monkey branch for a number of reasons, all of them reflecting their own internal processes – not your value as a partner. If you find yourself in a pattern of monkey branching, it can be helpful to understand the psychology behind it.

Fear of Being Single

People who monkey branch often report a fear of being single. It can be difficult to be alone, especially after a long term relationship, but an inability to be single for some time can point to a deeper problem.

In a 2013 doctoral thesis, it was found that people with a fear of being single can settle for less responsive and less attractive partners, even if they don’t report a change in dating standards [2]. This could make it easier for them to find a new potential partner, making it more likely they’ll successfully monkey branch.

The “Better Options” Pull

People sometimes monkey branch because they perceive the next partner as a better option.

Rusbult’s Investment Model of Commitment is a popular psychological theory that aims to explain why we commit, or don’t, to certain things. Rusbult’s model states that our commitment is the sum of our perceived satisfaction plus invested resources (things that would be lost if the relationship ended), minus the quality of alternatives [3]. In other words, the happier and more invested we are in something, and the poorer the quality of our other options, the more committed we feel.

This means that if you’re already unhappy in your relationship and you perceive someone else to be a better option, you’re less likely to stay committed. This can be tricky in the age of online dating, where it can seem like there’s an endless sea of better options available any time your relationship goes through challenges.

Evolutionary Perspective

The “mate switching hypothesis” is an evolutionary explanation for our tendency to swap from one partner to another [4]. Evolutionary hypotheses consider why our modern behaviors could have adapted for survival in the evolutionary environment. In the mate switching hypothesis, it’s suggested that entering the dating market after a break up would be risky, since we have potential “baggage” and no guarantee of finding a new partner. Therefore, lining up a new partner before the end of a relationship would be an evolutionary advantage as it eliminates the costs of being single.

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It’s important to note that evolutionary perspectives can often be reductionist – although they might go some way to explain how our behavior developed, they don’t take into account the cultures, systems, and experiences unique to our current time period.

This is to say that monkey branching and other dating behaviors are more complex than their evolutionary roots, and relying too heavily on evolutionary hypotheses can lead people to mistakenly believe that they can’t change their behavior or override their impulses.

Is My Partner Monkey Branching? 5 Common Signs of Monkey Branching

We need more research on monkey branching specifically to look into the specific signs, but people who have experienced both sides of monkey branching note the following behaviors:

• Emotional detachment from the relationship enabling the monkey brancher to move on quicker
• The break up seems to come out of nowhere
• Signs of deception, e.g. hiding conversations
• Avoidance, e.g. spending more time away
• Focusing on the negative aspects of the relationship to justify an “escape”

The Six Stages of Monkey Branching

The 6 stages of monkey branching is a popular framework, and it does align with theories like Rusbult’s model of commitment, but it’s not a psychological concept in its own right – so take it with a pinch of salt.

Remember, Rusbult’s model says that commitment = satisfaction + investment – quality of alternatives.

Does Your Attachment Style Make You More Likely to Monkey Branch?

Your attachment style affects a significant portion of your relationships – including why or whether you might monkey branch. We still need more research on this behavior, but we can use what we do know about attachment theory to make educated guesses about how they might interact.

Anxious Attachment

When you have high attachment anxiety, it can feel particularly difficult to let someone go. You find a sense of safety in others, but it comes externally from the sense of validation they give you, rather than an internal sense of security.

Someone with anxious attachment might monkey branch because it softens the blow of a break up. If they fear a break up might be coming, they might start to look for alternatives to make sure they won’t be alone.

If you have high attachment anxiety and your ex is the one who monkey branches, it can be a particularly painful experience. You might turn to blaming yourself, but remember that your ex’s monkey branching does not reflect anything about you as a person.

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Avoidant and Dismissive Avoidant Monkey Branching

If you have a dismissive-avoidant attachment style, you might find commitment uncomfortable because trusting others doesn’t feel safe. Looking at Rusbult’s commitment model, you might be less likely to invest in your relationships, making you more prone to emotional detachment that can eventually lead to monkey branching.

You might be tempted to do this particularly when a relationship becomes too intense, either because of high conflict, intimacy, or significant milestones. Finding a new partner both gives you an “easy out” and helps you to avoid the feelings associated with ending a relationship.

If you have an avoidant attachment style and your ex monkey branches, this can seem to confirm your negative beliefs about others and feel very distressing. Attachment avoidance is often mischaracterized as a lack of emotion, but you do feel upset over relationship difficulties – you just push them down and appear less emotional to others. It can be tempting to shut others out even more when something like this happens, but remember that this doesn’t benefit you in the long run.

Fearful Avoidant Monkey Branching

A fearful-avoidant attachment style with both high attachment anxiety and avoidance can lead to monkey branching through both mechanisms: emotional detachment if the attachment system is underactivated, and cushioning the blow of a break up if the attachment system is overactivated.

Because your attachment system can switch back and forth, you might be the most prone to unpredictability and instability in relationships. This can lead to lower relationship satisfaction, which could be the first sign of monkey branching.

If you have a fearful-avoidant attachment style and your ex monkey branches, you could react unpredictably depending on how your attachment system responds. You might switch between avoidant coping mechanisms and intense anxiety. Try to lean on people you feel you have secure relationships with to keep you grounded.

Monkey Branching, Narcissism, and BPD

Many people suspect that monkey branching is more likely in narcissism or borderline personality disorder (BPD) but we don’t yet have the research on this specific behavior to determine whether this is true.

Narcissism is a personality trait linked with self-centred behavior and low empathy. It exists on a spectrum, so we all fall somewhere on the narcissism scale. Grandiose narcissism is when someone thinks they’re superior to others, while vulnerable narcissism is when someone has low self-esteem but might feel they’re owed more than others because they often feel victimized [5].

Narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD, is an extreme presentation of the narcissism trait that can only be diagnosed by a qualified professional [6]. BPD is also a personality disorder characterized by intense and unstable emotions, difficulty with relationships, impulsive behavior and a strong fear of abandonment.

Research hasn’t yet been done to find out whether either of these diagnoses are associated with monkey branching specifically. However, narcissism has been linked with high standards, searching for alternative partners, and higher perceived quality of alternatives – all of which might lead to monkey branching [7].

Because BPD is characterized by social and emotional instability, it might be more difficult for people with BPD to manage relationship challenges healthily. Their strong fear of abandonment could also play into a potential to monkey branch – but these are just theories until more research is available.

Do Monkey Branching Relationships Last?

If your partner monkey branched from their last relationship to be with you, you might be wondering whether this is a sign your relationship can’t last.

The good news is that past monkey branching isn’t necessarily a sign that your relationship is in trouble – if your current relationship doesn’t involve the same challenges as the previous one, satisfaction and investment may be higher, preventing them from looking for alternative partners.

However, if there are unaddressed challenges that drove patterns of monkey branching in the past, these difficulties might appear again. It could be valuable to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about what internal processes they believe contributed to the monkey branching and how they have worked on them since.

How to Heal After Being Monkey Branched

Having a monkey branching ex can be extremely painful. You will likely be looking for answers, and you might end up wondering whether their monkey branching signals something wrong with you as a person. This is not true – monkey branching happens due to a combination of interpersonal reasons and your ex’s internal difficulties.

Keeping good friends and family around you is important after any break up. Break ups can be a valuable source of growth when we use them to focus on ourselves and the other relationships in our lives – which we miss out on if we jump straight into another relationship.

If you have an insecure attachment style, monkey branching can feel especially painful. Building a secure attachment style can help you to develop an internal sense of validation and self-esteem. This doesn’t make break ups not-painful, but it can give you more tools to cope with the difficult emotions.

Conclusions

Monkey branching is when someone in a relationship lines up a new partner before breaking up with their current one. People who have monkey branched say that they were afraid of being single or perceived they had better options.

Sudden emotional detachment, deception, avoidance, and a focus on the negative aspects of a relationship could be signs of monkey branching. Your attachment style could play into both your likelihood of monkey branching and your reactions to being monkey branched.

If you’re dealing with a monkey branching ex, you can have some really difficult thoughts and feelings about how and why they moved on so quickly. This is normal, but remember that monkey branching does not reflect on you. Keeping loved ones close and focusing on yourself can help you to grow after a break up, even when you’ve been monkey branched.

FAQs About Monkey Branching

Is monkey branching cheating?

Monkey branching could be considered cheating due to the intention to deceive and potential for emotional crossover, but it doesn’t involve the physical crossover we traditionally associate with cheating.

Do monkey branching relationships last?

Monkey branching relationships can last if the underlying motivations for monkey branching have been resolved.

Is monkey branching a sign of narcissism?

Monkey branching isn’t necessarily a sign of narcissism. However, narcissism has been linked with searching for alternative partners and a higher perceived quality of alternative partners, which might lead to monkey branching.

How do you stop monkey branching?

Understanding the driving forces behind monkey branching is the first step to finding alternative solutions. If you have a pattern of monkey branching and you can’t understand why, a qualified mental health professional could help you to see your patterns more clearly.

What’s the difference between monkey branching and rebounding?

Monkey branching involves intentionally lining up a new partner before ending the current relationship. Rebounding, on the other hand, is a reaction to a break up that wasn’t necessarily planned.

References

1. Dibble JL, Drouin M, Aune KS, Boller RR. Simmering on the back burner: Communication with and disclosure of relationship alternatives. Communication Quarterly. 2015 May 27;63(3):329-44.
2. Spielmann SS, MacDonald G, Maxwell JA, Joel S, Peragine D, Muise A, Impett EA. Settling for less out of fear of being single. Journal of personality and social psychology. 2013 Dec;105(6):1049.
3. Tran P, Judge M, Kashima Y. Commitment in relationships: An updated meta‐analysis of the Investment Model. Personal Relationships. 2019 Mar;26(1):158-80.
4. Buss DM, Goetz C, Duntley JD, Asao K, Conroy-Beam D. The mate switching hypothesis. Personality and Individual Differences. 2017 Jan 1;104:143-9.
5. Rohmann E, Neumann E, Herner MJ, Bierhoff HW. Grandiose and vulnerable narcissism. European Psychologist. 2012.
6. American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders. 5th ed., text rev. Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Association; 2022.
7. Zeigler-Hill V, Seidman G, Trombly DR, Ishaq J, Shango R, Roberts A. Narcissism and romantic commitment: The role of attitudes toward alternative romantic partners. Self and Identity. 2020 May 18;19(4):473-500.