Betrayal Trauma: Can You Really Be Traumatized by Betrayal?

By Katie Caygill Pocock (MSc. Clinical Neuropsychiatry, BSc. Psychology with Neuroscience)

When someone we rely on betrays our trust, the damage can be devastating. Between intense emotional pain, internal confusion, and difficulty continuing life as normal, betrayal can certainly feel traumatic. But can betrayal really be traumatizing?

The phrase “betrayal trauma” was introduced by US psychologist Dr. Jennifer Freyd, who also coined the terms “DARVO” and “institutional courage”. In this article, we’ll explain what betrayal trauma means to psychologists, signs of betrayal trauma, and how to begin betrayal trauma recovery.

What Is Betrayal Trauma?

Dr. Freyd described betrayal trauma as “a social dimension of psychological trauma, independent of post-traumatic stress reactions”¹. It happens when a person or institution we rely on for survival or well-being violates our trust. Betrayal trauma was first introduced during a presentation in 1991, then published in writing in 1994².

Dr. Freyd conceptualized trauma on 2 dimensions: fear and betrayal. Research suggests that events involving both high fear and high betrayal predict more severe symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and dissociation³. Events that are only high in either fear or betrayal can still be traumatic, while events that are low in both tend not to be.

Under this model, betrayal isn’t necessarily frightening (although it certainly can be). Dr. Freyd gives the example of child sexual abuse that escalates from once-appropriate behavior; she posits that those early appropriate behaviors can still be traumatic because of the betrayal involved, even if they weren’t frightening at the time⁴.

Betrayal Trauma Theory

Betrayal trauma theory is an extension of the concept of betrayal trauma. In betrayal trauma theory, Dr. Freyd posits that when we go through betrayal trauma, we might experience amnesia and dissociation from the event because to acknowledge the trauma would cause us to seek distance from the person we need¹. This is referred to as “betrayal blindness”.

For example, imagine you are a young child with an angry parent. One day, your parent becomes so angry that they scream in your face. You feel very afraid, and you also feel betrayed because you trust your parent to care for your emotional well-being. On top of this, you need your parent – you’re a child, so they are your primary source of emotional and physical resources.

When we feel betrayed, we usually lose interest in maintaining a relationship with the person who betrayed us. This keeps us safe from being betrayed again. However, when we rely on that person for survival and well-being, things get more complicated. Dr. Freyd argues that it is an evolutionary benefit to forget or dissociate from this betrayal, as this allows us to stay close to the person we rely on¹.

Do Betrayal Trauma Theory and Attachment Theory Agree?

Betrayal trauma theory shares a lot of similarities with attachment theory, but they differ in a few important ways. As set out by Bernstein & Freyd⁴:

Attachment Disorganization

You might recognize this sense of both need and fear from descriptions of attachment disorganization. In this context, this isn’t the same as the fearful-avoidant attachment style, though the terms are sometimes used interchangeably.

Fear of a relied-upon caregiver is one of the ways attachment disorganization can develop in infants. When this happens, we don’t know what to do, so our existing blueprints for attachment fail. This isn’t an attachment style in itself, but a secondary classification on top of the primary attachment style.

Some measures, like the Adult Attachment Interview, include unresolved/disorganized attachment presentations in adults⁵. Like in infants, these usually represent lapses in a person’s usual attachment style associated with intense fear or trauma. Unlike in infants, though, we can see how adults find it difficult to explain or accurately remember information relating to the attachment.

Memory lapses around disorganized attachments line up with the idea of betrayal trauma theory. But what about attachment styles?

Your Attachment Style and Betrayal Trauma

The ECR-RS on which we base our attachment test uses fearful-avoidant, as well as anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and secure attachment style classifications⁶.

According to one study on Australian mothers of school-age children, betrayal trauma is significantly associated with greater attachment anxiety, but not attachment avoidance, compared to non-betrayal traumas⁷. Betrayal traumas were also related to greater distress, trauma symptoms, emotional regulation difficulties, and their children’s well-being.

Another study, this time on college students in the USA, found that attachment anxiety partially mediates the relationship between childhood maltreatment and a higher risk of betrayal trauma in adulthood⁸. According to the authors: “individuals with an anxious attachment style were more likely to experience trauma high in betrayal than no trauma at all.” Since they used the two domains of attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance, this could apply to both anxious-preoccupied and fearful-avoidant attachment styles.

The authors of the USA study suggest that maltreatment in childhood may lead to high attachment anxiety in adulthood, causing us to seek proximity when we perceive threats of abandonment, which puts us at higher risk of further maltreatment.

We might hypothesize that betrayal trauma theory’s “cheater-detection system” is overactive in people with high attachment anxiety. However, betrayal trauma theory states that the attachment system takes priority – since this also works double-time in attachment anxiety, their cheater-detection system may make them no less likely to experience betrayal blindness.

Signs of Betrayal Trauma

Betrayal trauma has no specific diagnosis of its own, but it shares commonalities with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or C-PTSD. C-PTSD happens when trauma is ongoing and inescapable, such as in the continuous abuse seen in high betrayal trauma.

Attachment specialist for The Attachment Project and Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker, Paula Sacks, LICSW, says:

“Betrayal is one of the hardest things because it goes against the reality you’ve known. It makes the person who was betrayed doubt their reality, doubt the way they have perceived the world, doubt if anything was real or not. When people think of trauma, they think of a car accident… but betrayal is trauma, because like a car accident, it alters your sense of reality, your whole system is out of whack.”

The following suggestions may be considered signs of betrayal trauma, but they aren’t clinically indicated – more research would be needed to consolidate a list of “symptoms” of betrayal trauma.

If you’re experiencing betrayal trauma, we could theorize that you might experience:

• Symptoms of C-PTSD
• Feelings of dissociation or separation from yourself or the world around you
• Others are concerned about the way somebody treats you
• You make excuses for the way someone treats you
• You have a sense of uneasiness around someone important to you, even though you might not be able to explain it

Critiques of Betrayal Trauma Theory

Betrayal trauma theory might help us to understand things like disorganized attachment systems and dissociation around betrayal traumas, but, like all theories, it has its flaws. Critiques have highlighted that it’s possible to maintain attachment relationships without completely forgetting about abuse, and that there are other plausible explanations for why we might experience dissociation and memory loss around trauma⁹.

We feel it’s important to understand that you can still experience trauma related to betrayal without your experiences fitting neatly into betrayal trauma theory. Remembering the abuse doesn’t invalidate how traumatic it was. If betrayal trauma theory helps you to understand what happened to you, that’s very useful – but it’s also okay if there are other psychological theories that make more sense to you.

For instance, there are many other ways of looking at trauma tied into PTSD – which is not a theory, but a diagnosis – that might contradict betrayal trauma theory.

Betrayal Trauma vs. PTSD: What’s the Difference?

Although both help us to understand trauma, betrayal trauma and PTSD are different in several ways. Understanding the difference might help you to understand your experiences.

When the Betrayal Was Infidelity

Partner betrayal trauma can happen when you experience betrayal in a romantic relationship or marriage, such as infidelity. Although it might not meet the criteria for PTSD, it can still violate your trust so significantly that it overwhelms your capacity to cope, resulting in post-traumatic stress¹⁰.

According to a US study published in Stress & Health, 45% of unmarried adults who experienced a partner’s infidelity experienced symptoms of PTSD related to the infidelity, which were significantly associated with depressive symptoms, with mixed results for stress and anxiety¹⁰.

Betrayal trauma in marriage and relationships doesn’t have to involve cheating. There are lots of betrayals that we may or may not consider cheating, and some that fall outside of the realm of infidelity – for example, lying about spending money or addiction behaviors, or hiding something significant well into a relationship.

Institutional Betrayal: When It’s Not One Person

Another significant way that betrayal trauma theory diverges from attachment theory is that it extends to institutional relationships – although there’s growing evidence that attachment theory does have relevance in the workplace.

Smith & Freyd define institutional betrayal as “trusted and powerful institutions (schools, churches, military, government) acting in ways that visit harm upon those dependent on them for safety and well-being”, giving examples such as sexual harassment and abuse, failure to act on reports of such instances, and learning about systematic destruction¹¹.

Institutional betrayal can be just as, if not more, traumatic than interpersonal betrayal. One study found that women in the military who had experienced sexual assault from other military members reported greater health difficulties than those who had experienced sexual assault from civilians¹².

Further, losing trust in institutions can prevent us from seeking further help, which can directly impact the support we receive physically and psychosocially. In another study cited by Smith & Freyd, women who were treated poorly at the emergency room following sexual assault were less likely to seek follow-up support or receive preventative care for sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy¹³.

Why Is It So Hard to Trust Again After Betrayal Trauma?

Betrayal trauma of any kind can make it very difficult to trust. Conversely, some people might trust very easily after betrayal trauma, increasing risk of revictimization¹⁴. The outcome might depend on your own disposition and the kind of betrayal trauma you’ve experienced.

More exposure to betrayal trauma is typically associated with lower self-reported trust in others¹⁴. However, in scenarios that directly test trust in an anonymous online partner, people with high betrayal trauma don’t show particularly high or low trust – researchers suggest that these conditions were too impersonal to trigger trust difficulties. The useful information we can glean from this is that the impact of trust after betrayal trauma seems to be specific to more personal interactions.

Healing From Betrayal Trauma: What Actually Helps

The benefits of social support after betrayal trauma can be particularly strong when the trauma stems from a romantic partner’s actions¹⁵. This social support doesn’t have to involve disclosing the trauma – just having supportive people around you and spending time with them can help.

If you’re struggling with coping after a betrayal or experiencing symptoms of PTSD, a licensed mental health professional can help you to manage these challenges. Some people want to talk about their trauma to better understand it, others prefer to focus on managing what’s happening in the here and now – there are lots of different approaches to therapy, and it’s okay to “shop around” for the approach that works for you.

In any case, finding ways to cope with your current experiences is important before looking deeper into what happened. This is called “stabilization”, and stabilizing symptoms of PTSD might involve mindfulness practice, relaxation techniques, and changes to your routine or habits that help you to manage things better.

According to Paula Sacks, LICSW:

“The only way out of the hurt from betrayal is to create a new story that you can live with. A lot of times when a person goes to therapy, it kind of helps them understand what happened and why it affected them so hard, and also to create that new story that they could start living with. It’s creating a new narrative as a new person… it’s newness that comes out of betrayal, but it’s a very hard road from betrayal to newness, and it’s very painful.”

While recovering from betrayal trauma, you might observe long-term changes by retesting your attachment style. Your attachment style changes over time, and it makes sense that betrayal trauma is associated with attachment insecurity (as we previously looked at) – noticing changes in your attachment style over time, perhaps measured every couple of months, might help you to see how your relationships with others are changing.

To test your current attachment style, take our free attachment test.

Conclusions: The Reality of Betrayal Trauma

Betrayal trauma is a psychological theory that helps us to explain why betrayals can be so traumatic, even in the absence of fear. Betrayal trauma theory runs parallel to attachment theory in lots of ways, and it can be especially useful in explaining attachment disorganization, but they do disagree on a couple of points. Your experiences don’t have to fit neatly into betrayal trauma theory to be valid and traumatic.

Betrayal trauma can stem from romantic relationships, hierarchical relationships e.g. in the workplace, and also institutional relationships. Any kind of betrayal trauma can have a significant impact, including symptoms of PTSD.

If you’re on the road to recovery from betrayal, a licensed mental health practitioner can help you to learn new coping skills and understand your experiences.

FAQs

What are the signs of betrayal trauma?

Betrayal trauma is difficult to define in terms of signs, and is not a diagnosis that has symptoms. However, you might notice signs of PTSD and C-PTSD, dissociation, and concern from others.

What triggers betrayal trauma?

Any event that violates your trust in a person or institution can trigger betrayal trauma.

How long does betrayal trauma last?

Betrayal trauma has no set duration – signs and PTSD symptoms can last any length of time depending on the severity of the event, your coping capacity, and your support system.

Does betrayal trauma affect everyone the same way?

Betrayal trauma typically affects trust and mood, but it doesn’t affect everybody the exact same way. Your attachment style can play a role in your experience of betrayal trauma.

Does betrayal pain ever go away?

The pain of betrayal eases with time. A strong support network including mental health practitioners can help you process the experience.

References

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